Dark Angel
by azrealsangel
Summary: Local bad boy Edward "runs" his small private school in Tulsa, but has a dark past and at times darker present. He isn't looking for anything but a good time and a way to escape his demons. Can Bella handle the demons? OOC
1. Prologue: The Lost Angel

"Why? You just couldn't wait? Do you enjoy doing this? Do you enjoy showcasing all of this in front of everyone?" she yells. Her eyes are on fire and her jaw is clenched – looking at me for answers I am in no right mind to give.

I pull the cig up to my mouth, lips curling around it and take in a drag. We are staring at each other, everyone has moved to the other end of the outside area. They understand – they have seen these arguments before. Me being an ass and her always trying to bring me back.

She glares at me waiting for an answer. But my eyes are focused on her lips. She licks them and bits her bottom lip out of frustration. Her hands go up to her hair and she pulls her hair into a sloppy bun taking a deep breath trying to remain calm. Her eyes dart up as she looks past me to her friends huddled together by the fence – each one of them ready to take action and beat my ass if she is hurt in anyway.

I stalk towards her slowly. She backs up towards the wall. My eyes are glowing with anger, frustration, lust, love, desire and need. Jasper steps out of the back door of the club. He knows my games all too well – he knows where this will end up.

"Edward" he says. Calm infusing the heated and electric environment. "Leave her alone and get your ass back in the club"

"No, we need to talk" I state. My jaw clenching, my hands in fists at my sides. " She needs to listen to me."

"Don't make me get Em out here Edward. Tonight is not the night. Look around you. Everyone is here, they aren't going to let you have this talk with her right now. They will protect her tonight. Tonight is her night. They are here for her." Jasper says.

"Edward…get your ass away from her NOW!" shouts Crispy as he barrels through the crowd that has gathered at the other end. He stands at the front of the crowd as they slowly form a circle around him. He is gripping his cane in his hand – waiting. "Enough with this. You can talk to her later. It is her birthday – she is supposed to be enjoying it not dealing with your high as a kite, pissed off and jealous for no damned good reason ass."

I take one look around at everyone, walk forward and push her into the wall gripping her face in my hands and kiss her roughly – my teeth bit into her bottom lip. I hear her growl in frustration and then feel her hands on my chest pushing me away. I push back into her letting her feel my anger and desire. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my jaw. I step back unsure of what just happened. She glares at me and through clenched teeth lowly states, "Back off, Edward. Find my Dark Angel and let him know I am looking for him. I need him back soon."

She walks around me into Jasper's waiting arms and before disappearing into the club looks at me with her cinnamon colored eyes and softly state, "You're breaking me and there are already a lot of cracks." Crispy walks to me, takes the top of his cane off reveling its hidden dagger. He puts the blade of the top against my throat hard enough to draw a little blood and try and shake me back into reality. "Back off of her Edward. She is the angel in this family; the mom and the one who saves us. We protect our family." As he starts to walk back to the club, he turns around and softly says, "She loves you. We love you, but she comes first. Bring her Dark Angel back – this personality is killing her." With that he walks through the doors into the club.

The rest of the crowd looks at me and parts down the middle while Alice opens the back gate. It is my cue to leave for the night. I stuff my hands into my pocket and walk towards the gate. As I pass her, Alice says, " Just couldn't control yourself, huh? Be careful Edward. She loves you and would die for you, but not even she can keep this up." I nod in the pixie's direction, pull my lip ring into mouth, and walk down the street away from the club towards our apartment.


	2. Chapter 1: First Day of School

Senior year of high school. "Time of our lives" and all that shit. I mean really, who thinks up some of the crap regarding senior year in high school. I pull on the required uniform of the all holy catholic institution I attend – khaki pants, button down shirt, tie, and my own personal additions to the wardrobe: combat boots, eyebrow piercing, and leather jacket. I grab my school blazer for the hallways and head downstairs.

Esme is in the kitchen arm outstretched with a cup of coffee in her hand. I grab the coffee, offer a quick peck on the cheek, and run out the door. Can't be late for chapel first day of all days….I think the world might just stop on its axis.

I make it to school 15 minutes before the bell rings sliding my car into the spot that has been mine since sophomore year. Everyone knows, even the freshman, not to park in that spot right near the ramp. I grab my blazer and head to the top of the ramp where Jasper and Alice are waiting. I pull out a cig and light up smiling at Alice as she runs down the ramp meeting me halfway and jumping into my arms.

"Edward! I missed you. Can you believe it is another freakin' year? Oohh, I like the outfit it definitely says 'Local Bad Boy on Campus' Father Hamill is going to LOVE it. Oh, and I have a feeling you are going to meet someone today…she is important. Don't fuck it up."

"Breathe, Alice. I missed you too although I saw you yesterday. Thanks for the compliment on the choice of wardrobe, and I am not interested in meeting any girls. I like my 'dating' life the way it is – plentiful," I laugh.

"You mean a quick pull and tug with some mouth action" laughs Jasper.

" Fuck Off" I reply as Alice laughs so hard tears start falling down her cheeks.

"Oh speaking of your 'dates' here comes the leader of the fan club with her groupies" Alice says as I turn and see Lauren, Jess, Martha, and Destinie.

" Oh and look at the time. Hurry Jasper, we can't be late for Chapel" she smiles innocently.

"Don't you dare leave me here pixie" I breathe between clenched teeth. Alice laughs grabbing my arm and then grabs Jasper's.

"I would never leave you to fend for yourself my dear Edward. Who knows what might catch you or better yet what you might catch." Alice says laughing. " Now let's get going."

We walk the long way to Chapel and laugh as all the freshmen are staring silently at the small building that all of us start our day at. They aren't sure whether to go on in or wait. Jasper, Alice, and I go around to the side door and slip on in finding our seats. As if on some magical cue, the Chapel fills to capacity. I turn around and see Mike, Ben, Peter, James, Chris and the rest of the senior class take there places. Father Hamill steps to the front of the chapel gazing over in our direction. He catches my eye and I hold up my blazer that is in my lap. He shakes his head and smiles, then starts the beginning of the year welcome. I zone out. I mean really this is the same speech he gives every year. After the first year I heard it, I didn't need to be reminded – wear your blazer in the hall, be respectful, don't be a pain the ass, etc etc etc.

Suddenly there is a loud bang as the ornate wooden doors of the chapel slam shut. Father Hamill stops his speech glaring up to see what or better yet who has come late. The minute he sees who it is walking up the aisle his eyes soften.

"What the fuck?" I whisper to Jasper. "He never looks that sweet and innocent". Jasper laughs quietly and shakes his head. Alice leans over and whispers in my ear, "Look up. You might actually like what you see."

I slowly turn my head in the direction of Father Hamill's stare and my brain short circuits for a minute as it takes in the girl slowly walking to a seat on our side of the chapel. She is beautiful and blushing a bright crimson with her eyes downcast. I turn to Alice and notice that ever knowing glint in her eyes.

"Oh no!" I say to her as my brain slowly regains its power. "That is not who you were talking about, is it?"

She smiles slowly and nods.

"Oh hell no. She is way to quiet and innocent looking. I would eat her for a snack. Besides, she looks like a fly could scare the crap out of her," I whisper.

Alice just smiles and leans in quietly whispering, "Oh you just wait and see my friend. She is going to knock you on your ass and you will be asking for more."

I laugh at her and turn around to resume pretending like I am listening to Father Hamill's drone voice.

As soon as chapel is over, I start to head to the main building. Alice and Jasper follow behind me leaving me to my thoughts. My hand starts to twitch – never a good sign. I had hoped to make it through until lunch before I needed to appease the demons but it looked like a detour to my car was in order. I had 10 minutes to get there and then to class. I look over my shoulder at Jasper and Alice to tell them I will catch up later.

Alice looks at me with dark eyes, "Edward, no. Not yet. You have to wait till lunch. Just a little time with you before the 'pain in the ass' Edward appears. Please?"

I hunch over looking at the ground before I answer, "Can't wait Alice. My hands are already twitching and it is "pain in the ass Edward" as you so affectionately call him or suicidal/homicidal Edward. Your choice…"

Alice takes a deep breath and sighs, "Okay, but please be "you" by lunch."

Jasper takes a deep breath as if deciding to say something. He looks up at me with knowing eyes and just smiles. "See ya later Edward." He grabs Alice's hand and gently tugs her into the building.

I run to my car and slide into the driver's seat. Unlocking my glove compartment, I pull out my salvation. The demons laugh loudly and I can almost see them doing a happy dance in my head. "Fine," I grumble, "Here's a snack". I cut the crank with a razor and inhale into my nose the fine powder that keeps the demons happy so that I can pretend to function as a normal teenager. I slowly take a breath and lean my head back. As I close my eyes, the damn new girl appears in my mind. The demons look at her with promise – another possible sacrifice to their needs – and I internally growl at them. There is something about her that intrigues me, but I know better than to venture there. Very few know that extent of my damaged soul and I plan to keep it that way.

I lift my head glancing at the clock. _Damn, I am going to be holy fuck late. _I jump out of the car and head towards the building. Hopefully, I can sneak into class without being caught in the halls. I make it into class without getting caught in the hallways and give Ms. Clements a crooked grin as she glances my way and shakes her head.

"Nice of you to join us today, Edward. Glad you could grace us with at least 10 minutes of your presence today. Much more than I anticipated." She laughs and smiles at me.

"Not a problem. Least I could do on the first day of school at this fine institution." I smirk.

As the bell rings, Ms. Clements reminds us of our assignment due on Wednesday and I head to my next class. As I am sitting in Alternative Literature waiting for the bell to ring, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I look at the message from Alice "Be nice" is all it says. I wonder what the fuck she is talking about as I hear the door to the classroom open. In walks the new girl and as she looks around for a seat I sigh – of course the only seat open is next to me_. Go figure that the fuck out. I swear the Fates are conspiring against me today._

She looks at me cautiously, and then sits down next to me. I move over a little to give her some room. The demons jump up and down excitedly in my brain thinking that catching innocence has never been this easy. I mentally push them into a cage and lock the fucking door snarling at them.

She pulls out a notebook and starts to write. Curious as to what she is writing I lean over to try and catch a peek. She flips her head around and looks at me. "If you want to know so bad just ask," she states.

"Who are you?" I snarl.

"Who the fuck are you?" she snarls back.

I stare and I must admit a little taken aback by her. Everyone at this school knows me – some biblically and some in other ways. I smile my famous smile and bow my head. "Edward Cullen at your service."

She snickers and slowly extends her hand. "Bella, Bella Swan. Pleased to meet you."

I shake her hand and this weird energy passes through me. I jerk my hand back convinced the crank had to have been laced with E for me to feel something like that. Weird though, nothing else feels any different. She smiles knowingly at me and goes back to writing.

"So what is it you are working so feverishly on?" I ask.

"Nothing you need to know about," she states quite softly. "Besides, just so you know, I am not one of your fan club nor do I need a personal tour of the school. But thank you anyway for the notice."

I stare at her in shock and before I can stop myself I grab her hand and force her to look at me. "Look little miss thing, I don't know who the fuck you think you are but no one talks to me like that."

She grabs her hand back and pulls herself into my space, "No one touches me like that. Back the fuck up Cullen before I back you up myself. I am not one of your little groupies and I will not bow at your feet as if you are some god. I will say this slowly so you understand – I do not want any confusion on your part. You. Do. Not. Scare. Me."

Suddenly my phone buzzes. I grab it and look at the message from Alice. "You mother fucker. I told you to be nice. Now I have to fix this. You will owe me "pain in the ass" Edward." I take a deep breath and really study the creature next to me.

She is beautiful with brilliant colored hair that looks like it has every shade of brown and red mingled together to form a new shade of crayola crayon. Her skin is white and she has dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes hold secrets – dark secrets and old tales. The demons are drooling looking at her imagining her as part of their next sexual meal with her laid out bare for the taking. I internally cringe. There is something about her that is above all that; above what me and my demons can give her.

I have totally zoned out all through class and when the bell rings, I stand and try and catch her. She is out the door before I can grab her. I sigh and head to lunch and the waiting pixie of death.

As I enter the cafeteria, Lauren slides up to me. She wraps her hands around my neck and tries to pull me into a kiss. I push her off quickly. " Back off Lauren. I am not in the mood for your shit right now."

She smiles, unable to take a hint, and says quietly, " Ok. See you after school then"

I continue walking towards where Alice and Jasper have seated themselves. As I get to the table, Alice grabs me by my shirt and slaps me.

"What the fuck Alice!" I grab the edge of the table to keep myself in check. She glares at me, hand raised to offer another hit.

"Do we need to have a come to Jesus meeting, Edward?" she says, clenching her jaw.

"Umm, I don't think so my dear pixie of death. Why would we?" I slowly state. I admit I am afraid of her when she gets in this mood. She could definitely kick my ass sideways and back.

"You were so mean to her. She is important and you were an ass. You just couldn't be nice like I asked. Hell, you should have just smiled that famous smile and kept your damn mouth shut." she mutters.

"Sorry, fuck. I didn't realize that she was so special, Miss Alice." I growl.

"Oh fuck off. You are a fucking twit with an ego the size of Atlantis. Just be nice from now on, especially tonight." Alice looks at me with her encompassing pouty face and bats her eyelashes.

I look to Jasper for help and he laughs, " Oh hell no. This is your fuck up. I am just along for the ride."

I slump into my chair and nod at the pixie. She steps from the table, dancing to the salad bar. I look up and she is talking to Bella. Bella laughs out loud at something Alice says and nods.

Alice bounces and claps her hands turning back towards our table. Bella follows with her eyes down. She slides into the seat next to me and looks at Jasper. "Hi Jasper. I didn't know you knew the 'King of the School' over here," she softly states nodding in my direction.

Jasper leans back in his chair and his laugh carries across the lunch room. Everyone stops and stares at us. Lauren and the other girls scowl at Bella. I growl, suddenly wanting to keep her away from their mangy claws and overly short plaid skirts and tight shirts.

Conversation picks up after that and suddenly we have agreed to meet Bella at Metro Dinner tonight around 8pm. As the bell rings signaling the parade of the sheep to the next class, I look at Bella and smile. She smiles back, pats my arm and leans into my ear.

" Don't fret sugar, I am sure one of your groupies who are trying to stab me in the back with eye daggers will help you relieve some of that tension you seem to be carrying."

I shiver as her words caress my ear. I look at her stunned and try and speak but nothing comes out. I grab my arm back and glare. I lean in slowly taking in her smell of jasmine and grin. "Don't worry sweetheart. You couldn't handle me in the first place."

She shakes her head laughing and heads to class. I stare after her wondering what the hell just happened and how in the fuck I ended up agreeing to hang out with her.

I grab Lauren as I am heading towards class and pull her into the bathroom near the gym. I slam her against the wall and she willingly opens her legs to me. "Oh yes, Edward. God I love it when you are like this" she says in a husky voice.

"Oh shut up and lift your damn skirt. This is going to quick and fuckin' hard" I grumble.

Her skirt comes up as I unbutton my khakis. I slam into her – no warning and fuck her hard against the wall. I get my release quick. I am pissed and she lets me take it out on her body. I know she doesn't cum but I don't give a fuck.

"Thanks Lauren. Good as always little slut. Now off to class" I laugh as I button up my pants.

She fixes her skirt knowing better than to question me. "See ya later Edward" she mumbles.

_Fuck me. What the hell am I doing? Why am I like this? Why can't I just be normal? _

Suddenly my hands twitch again and I sigh – that's why. The demons are too fucking strong. Taking a deep breath, I head to class and struggle to stay still. I can't skip the first day. Even I can't sweet talk myself out of trouble all the time. I try and focus on my next three classes of the day but the demons are talking and reminding me of the past. I grip my hands together, cutting into my palms to try and keep them at bay with the pain. It works a little – too bad I don't carry a razor into school. If I could just escape to the bathroom and pull a razor across my skin in slow symphony, they would shut up for awhile. As the last bell rings, I jump out of my seat and almost run out of the building.

Alice and Jasper meet me on the ramp. "I will pick you up at 7:30, okay?" I look at them to make sure it is alright.

Alice just smiles and nods at me. Jasper looks at me quietly, trying to gauge my mood. His eyes look to my hands and notice the twitching. He nods.

I head down the ramp and slide into my car. I start the car and pull around behind the Chapel. I pull out the crank and cut a few lines. The demons start pulling me into the darkness, as I try to hurry and get the powder up my nose. I finally pull it in and the demons laugh. _You will never be good enough, Cullen. We own your ass. You will always be a slave to us sweet boy._

I put my head against the headrest, close my eyes, and wonder how the fuck I am going to survive tonight without a shitload of tweak, any new scars, and not either killing or fucking Miss Bella Swan.

Fuck me. I am so screwed.


	3. Chapter 2: Introduction to the Family

_**Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong...but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain......and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal..**____**Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club. **_

– _**The Breakfast Club**_

As I stepped into the house to head up to my room, I realized it was silent. Esme must be off at one of her many "functions" or whatever the hell else she does during the day. I mean I love the woman, but what DOES one do all day when they don't work and there is no kid at home…..makes me wander if there is some secret society of moms that party and lush it out while there high school kids are in school.

I head up to my room after grabbing a Coke from the fridge and lay on my bed. My mind is reeling from today. First I couldn't even make it through the first half of the day without having to take a pit stop for some demon chaining medication, then all the shit with the new girl, then somehow agreeing to meet her at Metro later tonight. WTF was I thinking. I mean really – I have never even considered eating at the place much less hanging out. I preferred places like Looney's where I can smoke, drink, engage in extra curricula's in the bathroom, and make some money at pool.

Exasperated I run my hands through my hair. I need to get out of this thing tonight. Just as I finally decide the best way is to call up Lauren and engage in a booty call of the let's get fucked up and screw all night variety, and my finger is scrolling through the contacts on my Blackberry to call her, my phone beeps.

I cautiously open the message from Alice – the pixie does scare me sometimes with her ability to know when I am about to do something she doesn't like. OPEN YOUR EMAIL NOW! – A

Jesus what the fuck has crawled up the pixie's ass I mutter to myself.

I drag myself off my bed and open my laptop. Logging into my email I see the message from Alice.

To: Edward

From: Alice

Subject: This is your dick……

Edward,

If you even THINK about ditching us tonight for Lauren or any of the other "fan club" members or multiples of them I will kill you. But if you need another deterrent, please click on this link and remember: This could be your dick if you continue to stick it in any of the aforementioned black holes that the "fan club" members call vaginas. .com/image/image_gallery?img_id=1406871&t=1240423528674

Be at my house no later than 7pm, we will leave at 7:30. If your not there, I will schedule your STD check, dump your stash in the toilet, take you to get a q-tip shoved up your dick, and then maybe consider killing you in your sleep. Remember, your mother loves me.

Your sweet angelic pixie best friend,

A

I made the mistake of clicking on the link, and as my eyes adjust to what I am looking at I immediately drop my drawers and look at my dick. Too many times I have barebacked with Lauren and the rest of those girls. I shudder quietly and gently pet (yes I said pet) my dick and in the best and most assuring tone I can muster say, "It's alright. I promise I won't let that happen to you. I will wrap you up nice and tight from now on."

After my one on one conversation with my dick, I look at the clock and realize that it is 6:15. _Holy shit where has the afternoon gone_. I pull of my shirt and head to take a shower. My mind is still going full throttle from the amount of crank I have ingested today making it hard to concentrate and after my crappy sleep last night and today's events even that amount isn't keeping the demons happy. I can hear them taunting me with small snippets of the past: _remember having to watch, remember the belts, remember how good that first hit felt and how proud daddy was of you. _ As I step under the rain of the shower, I push the heels of my hands into my eyes trying to drown out the images. I turn up the radio in the shower trying to drown out the demon's continued walk down memory lane – but nothing is helping. I swear those demons are sitting in lounge chairs, toasting my minds descent into madness while drink a beer. The memories keep coming faster and I try to keep breathing but my legs give out. I look for the razor I keep in the shower, knowing that a blood sacrifice is what it is going to take to silence them for right now. I grab the razor blade, pushing it into the flesh of my bicep, enjoying the sharp feel of the blade on my soft skin. I slowly drag the blade across my bicep over the other scars hissing as I feel the release the reminder that I am here, alive, real, and okay. I pick up the blade and begin another cut and repeat it another 5 times until the demons are quiet and I can actually breathe again. I watched the blood run down my arm mixing with the water, diluting the memories. I start laughing and think if only it was really that easy.

I stand up and quickly finish my shower knowing that if I am late Alice will keep good on her promise. I grab my favorite button fly jeans, a gray tshirt, my leather jacket, lace up my combat boots, run a hand through my fucked up hair, and head out the door. Esme still isn't home and neither is Carlisle so I leave a note on the counter that I will be back. As I pull into Alice's driveway at 7pm she is waiting on the front porch.

"Like the email, Edward?" she asks so sweetly

"Yea, it was great. Thanks for causing my dick to almost hide itself in terror." I smirk back.

"Just wanted to make sure you didn't do anything stupid and fuck this up for me and you by visiting the black hole of sex." Alice laughs and jumps into my arms giving me a hug designed to crush the ribs of other mortal men.

"Come on, let's go." I look around for Jasper. "Pixie where's the sensitive art guy you hang out with and occasionally have sex with? Shouldn't he be pining away for your attention by now?" I ask.

"Fuck off asshole. I am right here. I had to take a piss. Sorry I wasn't here to roll out the red carpet for your over sized ego," Jasper states his eyes gleaming with humor.

"Okay, off to this Metro Diner place. I swear, Pixie, if I catch some fuck up disease or something from eating here…" I look at her menacingly though my lashes.

"Oh shut up and let's go spend some time with Bella. She is going to fuck your world up and I can't wait to watch the rollercoaster as you try to control and navigate this relationship. She isn't what you expect Edward. Just remember that and you should come out with your manhood intact…and maybe…," Alice mumbles the last of the sentence to herself.

"Whatever Pixie. She can be your friend and Jaz's but don't expect her to be more than filler for me. Okay?" I state as I slide into the driver seat and start the car.

I pulled out onto 21st street heading towards Lewis and then on towards TU. Metro was located right next to the University in town. Go figure, Tulsa was a small town trying to be a big city so we had a top rated University with a top rated Law school. GO US!!!!

Alice almost jumped out of the car before I had it in park she was so excited to see Bella. Jasper had to grab her arm before she hit pavement. I chuckled to myself and locked the car as I headed towards the door. Taking a deep breath, sucking my lip ring into my mouth, and having no idea what to expect since Bella said it was her and a few friends that didn't go to our school, I opened the door.

Alice was already at the hostess stand vibrating and bouncing on her toes. "Hurry up, Edward," she almost yelled.

I took a look around. It really was like a 50s diner. The hostess stand was the trunk of a teal Studebaker and there were old records and pictures all over the ways. The guy talking to Alice just laughed at her excitement and pointed towards the right saying that Bella was already there with the crew. I internally wondered what the fuck he meant by crew – she said a few friends.

As I rounded the corner into the section I stopped – few friends my ever pussylovin' mind. Almost every table on the left was filled with the strangest array of people all sitting together, drinking coffee, smoking, and talking. The two huge round booths in the back were full too.

Bella was sitting in the one to the left and I couldn't help but smile. She had her head back laughing at something this blond skinny guy next to her was saying. Her laugh echoed throughout the section.

Alice was already at the table scooting her butt over into a seat. Jasper joined her and I started walking over. As soon as I got to the table, she looked up through her lashes and smiled.

"So you made it." She taunted.

"Yep. Couldn't let you have all the fun tonight now could I," I stated.

"Well, welcome. Let me introduce you to the crew or otherwise known as the family. This is just the basic group," she casually stated.

I looked around at the amount of people and wondered how big this "family" was if this was just the basic group.

I sat down on the edge of the booth and Bella looked to the blond sitting next to her.

"Okay, here is a group introduction for this table," she began. "This guy is Scott, also known as Catfish; the guy next to him is Bryn, next to Bryn is Jesse, and next to Jesse is Carrie, also known as FiFi. On this side next to the pixie is Marshella. Wookie is the girl with the long dark hair behind you sitting with INDN, Jason, Bryon, and Shawn. The table behind that is Shane, Chicken, Michelle M., and Michelle B. The booth next to us is Mama Dyke and her girlfriend, Jacob, and Jack," Bella finally stopped taking a breath. Then in a loud voice she stated to everyone, "Everyone this is Edward, Alice, and Jasper."

I looked around not even trying to remember everyone's name and smiled. Alice yelled "HELLO" and Jasper just ducked his head. I pulled out my smokes and began to listen to the conversation at the table, however my mind kept drifting.

I couldn't figure this out. Everyone in this section was so different – Catfish was a bassist and looked like he had just walked off North Shore; Bryn was a drummer who looked like he had just left Seattle; Jesse looked stoned, but swore he wasn't; FiFi was like an even smaller version of Alice still dressed in her school uniform from Bishop Kelley; Marshella was dressed in a black dress with stripped stockings and had dark make up on; Wookie looked like a normal human; INDN was a huge Native American who honestly scared the hell out of me; Jason was definitely gothic; Chicken had liberty spikes on his head but was dressed in black jeans, leather trench, and had piercings galore; Mama Dyke was a mean looking biker chick; and then there was us. Everyone was so different yet as I listened to the other conversations I noticed that everyone was getting along – some were having deep conversations, others joking, and some just bullshitting.

I was pulled out of my internal Breakfast Club moment when Chicken stepped to the table sending a scathing look my way and leaned over the table to Bella.

" Hey mom, I am gonna head out. I have shit to do. I will call you tomorrow okay." He stated with a tone of endearment that didn't set well with me. _Was she dating this fucker?_

" Okay sugar. Please be careful," she stated as she slide under the table.

As she was coming out from underneath she grazed my thigh with her hand and I sucked in my breath. That touch made me think about how amazing she would look down on her knees sucking my cock under the table…hummmm that had some serious possibilities. However I was rudely pulled from my fantasy when out of the corner of my eye I see Bella hugging Chicken and kissing him on the lips. Next thing I know there are several others getting up to leave all calling her mom and hugging her. _WTF?! What the hell is up with this nickname and how many of these guys is she fucking?_

I turn to Alice with a questioning glance and she shrugs her shoulders. Leaning in she whispers, "All in due time Eddie. She will explain it. Besides, I like these people. It feels like home here."

"Are you high? This is like the most fucked up John Hughes movie in the world. This is like his wet dream or something," I state quietly. I light up another cig and continue to look around. Bella pats me on the shoulder, "Scoot over there Dark Angel. I need to sit and I don't feel like crawling under the table again and having to think about where your thoughts are headed."

I look at her in disbelief. First at the fact she called me out on my fantasy while she was hugging a million guys like a total cockwhore and secondly because she just gave me a nickname.

"My name is Edward. Not whatever the fuck you just said. Also, don't worry your pretty little head about where my mind went with you under the table. It was nothing more than a woman like you would expect. I am sure I can ask any number of these guys about that." I state in a cold voice.

She looks at me with fire in those eyes and grabs my chin. "Don't you ever go there again. These guys are my family and you have no idea why or what brought them into this group. I would explain but you don't deserve an answer. And I called you Dark Angel. You are that. You just haven't figured it out yet."

Alice looks at me with disdain in her eyes, and with a venom only reserved for me getting my ass handed too me, " Edward, just leave. You are a complete ass. Go find a blackhole to fuck. Jazz and I will catch a ride home with Bella or someone else. I am having fun and want to learn about everyone. Fuck you! You and your demons go play. I notice the twitch is calling."

Jazz looks at me with cold steel eyes, " You just couldn't be nice for one damn night. All you had to do was give it a chance. Go feed your demons, we will see you at the ramp tomorrow."

I look at them both with surprise and then look at my hands. I have been so wrapped up in this fucked up night that I didn't notice that my hands are shaking and I have gone through almost an entire pack of cigs. I take a breath, push Bella out of the booth with my hip, stand and bow dramatically, "Sorry the shadow has offended the great and powerful ones. I will take my leave fuckers."

I storm out of the restaurant as several of the family stand up. Prepared to kick my ass I am sure. I am pissed. I don't understand how or why Bella can get under my skin. She makes me want to slap her, fuck her, and then kiss her all at the same time.

Once I get back home, I crawl into my bed. My mind starts to empty out from the days events and the demons begin their nightly attempt at pulling me into dreams filled with my past – a past that therapy has tried to heal, Esme has tried to hug out of me, and Carlisle has tried to tame with compassion. Too bad I am too far gone for that. As my lids close, the dreams overtake me.

_I was just walking in from school and Dad was sitting in his favorite chair. Bottles of Jack resting on the table and razors lay all around. I tried to be quiet, but my backpack hit the wall as I was trying to scoot to my room. Suddenly, he is in my face screaming. I try and block out the rage in his voice, blaming me for Mom fucking all these other men. I try and ignore him to get to my room so I can lock the door, but it didn't work. His fist comes flying to my face and rams into my jaw landing with that all too familiar thud. Next came the gut punches, slaps to the head and then a last punch to the back. I think to myself: Weird thing is he always uses the same pattern, it never really changes and this time I just let my soul float off and imagine myself somewhere else. Soon enough reality hits and I crawl towards my room to lock myself in for the night, but as I open the door I see…_

I jolt awake, sweat pouring off of me. God, I feel so tainted I need someone to rinse out my soul. The demons are laughing calling me a pussy for not finishing the flashback. I sit up unable to breathe and do what I always do to bring myself relief when I can't fight between the dark and the light anymore. The demons continue to laugh like they know I will never be able to escape my past and that ever present pull into darkness.

My hand reaches for the communion of powder, then the razor from the table and then like a perfect salvation those lines – 2 up the nose and some in the syringe into my veins – so easy, so beautiful. Sometimes I forget what that initial rush was like that burn in the veins and the drainage in the back of the throat. God, this is heaven: the rush of being able to go forever is almost ecstasy.

It was time know for the wine of the ritual – the purification to rid myself of the people's blood I carry. I took the razor and did what had brought me control so many times. I started to cut into the soft flesh of my chest. The comfortable feeling of the razor cutting into the flesh, the gentle trickle of the blood down my stomach. It seems so natural; my hand just did everything on its own, like instinct. Soon the razor moved to my biceps again and the cool yet hot stream of blood slid down my arm to form a small pool in my hand.

The ritual of the cleansing was done. Tears, not of pain but of helplessness and depression fell mixing with the stain of blood down my chest.


	4. Chapter 3: The Beginning of Hell

**and i've got**

**no illusions about you**

**and guess what?**

**i never did**

**and when i said**

**when i said i'll take it**

**i meant,**

**i meant as is**

**- As Is (Ani Difranco)**

I stare at my clock, waiting for the alarm to go off. I didn't go back to sleep last night after my communion and dreams. So during that time I thought – I thought about Bella, Alice, Jasper, Lauren, Jessica, Esme, and Carlisle, all of them. I thought about being at Metro and seeing all of these freaks, geeks, and everything else all sitting and talking. There was no bullshit, no fake gestures of kindness, and no feelings of superiority. They all just were – they seemed to accept each others faults with a sense of unconditional love I had only witnessed from Alice, Jasper, and Esme. But the thing that kept throwing me for a loop through all this insane thought was that they were family and the one main thing tying them together besides love was Bella. I mean really was she fucking all of them, had she fucked any of them, and most importantly why the fuck do I care. Bella. That damn girl is going to kill me and I don't even understand it. And more importantly what the fuck is up with that damn nickname. I mean really, Dark Angel. Dark and fucked up to the hills and back but definitely no angel.

Finally, the alarm signals my need to get out of bed, shower, and to the lovely hell of school. I walk into the bathroom and turn on the water for my shower, and chance a glimpse at my reflection. Damn – I look like an extra for a Rob Zombie movie. Ahh, the joys of crank. I gaze down at my chest and over at my arms. Blood dried to my cuts from last night. I step into the shower washing away the reminder of my inability to cope, my inability to be something beyond fucked up. I grab a towel off the rack and step up to the sink. I look for my rig, knowing that a few snorts up the nose aren't going to get it this morning if I have any hope of maintaining a sense of sanity until at least lunch. I set up the needle and slowly push it into vein. As usual the slow burn of the crank into my veins jolts my system awake and I finally feel like I can think without the demons VH1 pop up video commentary on all my thoughts and actions.

Once I am dressed and acceptable for the hallowed institution of higher learning, I run down the steps to grab my morning coffee. Esme is there with a small smile and my cup of caffeinated salvation. "Edward, are you okay? I heard you yelling last night. Are you having nightmares again?" she calmly asks.

"I am fine. Just a strange dream. Nothing to worry about. I promise." I lie gracefully and smile her favorite crooked grin.

"Alright honey. But promise if you need to talk or whatever that you will let me know," she says, pulling me into a hug where I inhale the scent of sugar cookies.

"Promise. I gotta go or I will be late. Can't have that or Father Hamill will have my ass again this year," I laugh and run out the door.

I have no idea what to expect as I pull into my parking spot. I know Alice and Jazz were pissed as hell last night so I am not sure the welcoming that will be awaiting me at the top of the ramp. I slowly unfold out of my car, stuff my hands in my leather jacket, and march up the ramp. I keep my eyes down until I absolutely have to look up and there I see a pixie with hands on hips, eyes locked on mine, and an almost evil smile on her lips. I continue the walk to the top and stop in front of her. Suddenly my head flies to the right and my cheek feels like it is on fire. _Hold up, did Alice just slap the ever loving shit out of me?_ I reach up to touch my cheek as I hear Alice start to speak.

"That is for being such a fucking douche last night. I should slap you again just for good measure, but I promised Jazz I wouldn't hurt you." Alice says barely containing the venom dripping from her voice.

I look at Alice, then Jazz before I speak. I know Jazz is pissed because he has yet to say a word and his eyes are a cold blue steel and his jaw tightens every so often.

"Look, I know I was an ass. I don't know why – I just was. Bella gets under my skin and who were all those people. I was just strung out I guess. Hell I don't know. I am sorry." I mumble.

Alice leans in to hug me. "I know you are sorry, but come on. Please be nice. I like her and her friends are really cool. They are all so interesting and have had interesting lives. You should have stayed. It was like being part of a huge family. Kinda strange but really nice and after you left, Bella was strangely quiet. She talked some but mostly just cuddled up with Catfish and listened. You need to give her a chance, maybe just this once give yourself a chance."

"I am sure that her friends are fine or whatever. Just give me some space and time. You know I don't like people in general and I have no need to have all those people be a family to me much less know a damn thing about me," I lowly state.

"I know. I am not judging, just saying," Alice chirps.

Suddenly I feel someone walking up behind me. Alice's face breaks out into a wide grin and she jumps past me in a blur. I hear a loud laugh and turn to see Alice embracing Bella in a bone crushing hug not normal for someone the size of Tinkerbelle. Bella unhooks herself from Alice and continues walking up to me and Jazz.

"Morning, Jazz," she quietly states and then places a sweet kiss on his cheek.

"Morning, Bells," he answers giving her a hug.

She glances over to me as I pull a cig out of my pocket. We still had about 10 minutes to kill before Chapel so I was going to use them to my lungs distinct advantage. As I light the cig, Bella smiles softly at me and walks towards me.

"Morning Dark Angel. Did you get what you needed last night?" she quietly says while placing a kiss on my check.

I look at her, trying to see if she really knows what the hell she is talking about. Her eyes show a knowledge that almost frightens me. "Yes, I got some sleep and for the last time, my name is Edward." I growl.

She nods her heard and leans in to my ear, " Whatever you say sugar. Just remember sometimes demons get too big."

I shrug her off just as I hear the unmistakable sound of Lauren and Jessica coming up the ramp. I turn and smile my famous smile at them and wink, pulling my lip ring into my mouth and then running my tongue over my bottom lip. Lauren walks up to me and runs her hand down my chest.

I smile and turn to glance at Alice, Jazz, and Bella over my shoulder. "Meet me in the bathroom by the gym after Chapel. Both of you," I drawl.

They giggle and nod a yes walking off as I stare at their asses in the very short skirts. I take one last drag of my cig and turn to the group.

"Ready to go to Chapel." I say.

Alice glares at me and grabs Bella's hand and begins to walk off. Bella looks back over her shoulder at me, shakes her head, and smiles to herself. I glare at her, still unsure of what it is about her that gets under my skin and why I even care – I have never cared and she makes me care, makes me think about my past, brings up a strange sensation in my soul that makes me want to hold her and protect her. I sigh heavily; turn to Jazz, and he smiles quietly ruffing up my hair.

Chapel is over within 15 minutes. A record in the annuals of history for Fr. Hamill. As we walk out the doors, I spot Lauren and Jessica heading towards our meeting. I turn to Bella, Jazz, and Alice to tell them I will see them at lunch, and almost come unglued at the unabashed look of tenderness in Bella's eyes as she stares at me. My demons laugh and taunt me _Look at that sweet sweet girl. She thinks she can save you. She doesn't know the trash you are and she won't understand; not even Alice and Jazz understand it all. Go enjoy your sluts – we need the fix._

"See you all at lunch," I mumble and walk towards the bathrooms.

I walk into the bathroom and see Lauren and Jessica sitting on the sink counter. I slowly shrug off my jacket and hang it up. I suck my lip ring into my mouth and take a breath as I walk over to Lauren. She spreads her legs and I walk in between them, running my hands up her thighs towards her center. She leans back against the glass as Jessica leans over to her mouth engaging her in a kiss. I smile – now this is fun. My demons pull up chairs and a bottle of Jack and sit to enjoy the show.

My left hand pushes up her skirt as my fingers on my right hand gently play with her pussy folds. She is wet, she always is for me. No true foreplay needed and she likes it rough just like Jessica. I shove two fingers into her quickly, needing the release as much as they do. Lauren sucks in a breath as Jessica continues her assault on her mouth. As I continue to fuck Lauren with my fingers, Jessica jumps down from the counter and slips onto her knees between us. She undoes my belt, unbuttons my khaki pants, and slides the zipper down. I lean forward to catch Lauren's mouth just as I feel Jessica's warm lips encase my cock. Lauren's breath starts to speed by as my thumb pushes on her clit, pinching and pulling while my fingers continue to fuck her.

"Fuck yes Edward, more please, I need you to fuck me," Lauren gasps.

"You are such a fuckin' slut Lauren, aren't you?" I ask as I almost growl from Jessica's tongue swirling around the head of my cock while her mouth continues its up and down assault.

I grab Lauren's hands, pull my dick out of Jessica's mouth, and slam it into Lauren. Jessica pulls herself up and onto the counter, fingering herself as she watches me slam into Lauren. I pull out and turn Lauren around bending her over the counter. I slam into her again, pulling her neck back by her hair.

"Jessica, get down on your knees and lick her clit. Don't stop until she cums," I growl.

I look in the mirror as I am fucking Lauren. My skin is pale, dark circles under my eyes, my lip ring is sucked into my mouth. My demons are laughing-_ like mother like son. _I squint my eyes closed trying to hold off my orgasm and block the image of myself, of my mother. I look at Lauren quivering, waiting for some command.

"Cum you fucking bitch!" I yell.

Immediately I feel her walls convulse around my cock. I look at Jessica who continues her assault on Lauren's clit. I pull out of Lauren, push her to the side and grab Jessica, pulling her up and throwing her ass on the counter. I slam into her. I can't stop this. I want to, but the demons keep taunting; I need release; I need a fix; I fucking need to get Bella out of my life. She is making me lose control of all of this.

Jessica screams as I feel her convulse around me and I finally cum as I bite hard into her shoulder. I pull out, shove my cock back into my pants and grab my jacket. I look at my watch. Cool that only took about 20 minutes. Plenty of time to get to class since my first hour was free today.

"Thanks bitches. A pleasure as always." I say and walk out the bathroom door. As I turn to head up the stairs toward the main building I see Bella. She is sitting on the stairs waiting.

"Get your kicks? " she asks.

"Fuck you," I state as I start to walk past her.

"No thanks. I don't like pussywhores, but thanks for the offer." She laughs and gets up.

I look at her legs in the pleated plaid skirt and can't help the fantasies that play through my mind of my hands running up those creamy legs. As if on cue, my hands twitch wanting to reach out and grab what so infuriates my mind and soul. The demons are taunting: _Take her, just one kiss, you know you want to taste that sweet sweet girl. You want to control her, tie her up, fuck her, and make her part of your darkness. _ I storm past her unwilling to give in to them just yet. She deserves better – _wait where the fuck did that come from and why the fuck do I care. _

Bella grabs my arm as I pass her. I stop and look at her.

"Does fucking keep the demons quiet?" her voice staying steady as she looks at me, never wavering in her expression.

"What the fuck do you know about demons or me for that matter? You're just a bitch trying to make herself feel better by saving us lost souls, right? Is that what your little family is about? Do we make you feel better?" I coldly state staring her directly in the eye.

She looks down and then back up, quietly stating, "We all have demons Dark Angel." Then, grabbing my face she forces me to look directly into her eyes. "And don't mention my family or people you know nothing about again. They at least own up to their shit. You avoid yours and drown in it."

She walks past me as I stand frozen, unable to move. _How the hell did she waltz into my life and read me so well? Who the hell is this woman?_

As she enters the main building, she smiles and says "See you in Latin sugar. I changed my schedule so we could have more "fun" times together. I figure if I am friends with Alice and Jazz , I should learn about you."

I stare after her, stunned. I take a breath and walk to class. I look down as my hands start to twitch and I check my watch. Fuck, not enough time for a fix. This is going to be a long first part of the day. _Fuck me running_.


	5. Chapter 4: The Continuation of Hell

Chapter 4: Decent into Hell Continued

There's a shadow just behind me

Shrouding every step I take

Making every promise empty

Pointing every finger at me

Waiting like the stalking butler

Whom upon the finger rests

Murder now the path called "must we"

Just because the Son has come

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle

Something but what's past and done?

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle

Something but what's past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?

I just want to start this over

Why can't we drink forever?

I just want to start this over

I am just a worthless liar

I am just an imbecile

I will only complicate you

Trust in me and fall as well

I will find a center in you

I will chew it up and leave

I will work to elevate you

Just enough to bring you down

-_SOBER _by Tool

As I walked to class in a fog, I couldn't help but think of Bella. She scares the shit out of me - not so much for being beautiful (cause I mean she is), but the fact that she sees things about me she shouldn't. As I suck my lip ring into my mouth and run my hands through my hair, I realize that if I am honest I don't even think it is the fact she sees my demons and what I do to keep them locked away as she actually calls me on my shit. I open the door to my Calc class and head to my seat. I am over 15 minutes late, and Fr. Hamill glares at me from his place in front of the class but seems to let it go. He knows I can do this shit in my sleep. Hell, I think I have even taken a calc test in my sleep before. I sit and stare out the huge windows that encase the classroom on both sides. I stare out the soccer field which is wet from the sprinklers and let my mind drift and continue to unravel the mysterious mind of one Isabella Swan while at the same time listening to the demon voices in my head taunt me with their never ending diatribe of memories of my past, reminders of my lack of a stable and suitable future, and a promise to my 10 year old self.

The rest of the morning passes in a blur for me. I can't even remember my classes as I finally make it to lunch still encased in my own self contained bubble. I have been running my hands through my hair all morning and my lip is sore from the constant tugging on my lip ring and I feel the twitch in my system and the voices getting louder. I pull on my hair knowing I have to meet Alice and Jazz for lunch, but not sure if I will be able to make it through. As I approach the table, Lauren and Jessica slither up to my sides and each plant a kiss on my cheek. I turn to each of them and give my best crooked smile.

"Edward, we were wondering if you would like to eat us, I mean eat with us for lunch?" Lauren rasps.

"Ladies, as much as I enjoyed our morning activities I must decline the offer at this moment. I have some things to take care of," I say lowly making sure to look them both in the eye and letting them know that I will still need their services later.

"Okay Eddie. Let us know if you need us," Jessica almost purrs as they both turn to walk off. I shake my head staring again at their asses. I mean they may be sluts, but at least they can back that shit up.

Jazz looks up at me and grins, unable to hide the amusement in his eyes, "You wrap that shit this time or does Alice need to bring over the Q-tip after school today?"

"Fuck you, Jazz" I growl mockingly. "While I appreciate Alice's concern for my dick and its health status, shouldn't she be more worried about how yours can operate..."

"Touché my brother. However, since I don't stick my dick in every glorified glory hole I see she has no reason to worry. You on the other hand make porn stars a little queasy. I am not judging, just saying." Jazz laughs and holds up his hands in mock surrender.

"Yea, yea. Whatever you say my man. You know you are just jealous. You want some of this," I say as I turn and grab my ass.

Jazz's laughter is loud and honest and I am silently grateful that he knows how to pull me out of my cloud of gray. I grab the chair across from him and just as I sit my ass down, I smell Bella coming up behind me. _How the fuck did I know that was her smell? _ I look and sure as shit she is right behind me leaning down to kiss my cheek like the conversation this morning never happened and she knows nothing about my fucking two women in the bathroom before class.

"Afternoon, sugar." Bella drawls and I feel her lips gently touch the side of my cheek. I breathe in her scent - a little like jasmine, a little like sandalwood. Not bad. I smile at her and tilt my head in acknowledgement of her greeting and her ability to keep shit to herself. She winks and sits down beside me and without even looking over at me while she starts to talk to Jazz hands me half of her sandwich. I take it and make no attempt to eat it. The shit I ingest up my nose and into my veins takes away my appetite. I know if I eat it will help with the nausea from the coming down, but I don't plan to really come down for a few more days. I think to myself as I look at the sandwich mentally figuring that I can stay awake for about 3 days on the shit I have and that will take me to Thursday. If I grab some more on Thursday, then I can keep going until early Saturday morning and then crash and burn for two days straight before school again on Monday. If I do that then I should be so exhausted that the demons will be comatose on the over indulgence of crank and my sleep will be filled with black nothingness; although it could led to a coma..._oh decisions, decisions_.

I feel breathe near my ear and jerk my eyes to look at my left side as I hear a soft voice say, "Eat. Just a few bites."

I look over at Bella and she looks at me. Those brown eyes stare into my green ones and I see what she thinks she understands. Hell maybe she does understand to some extent, but she doesn't know not really.

"I'm not hungry," I grumble.

"Okay, whatever works sugar." she states, gently patting my hand that is twitching on my thigh, and goes back to her conversation with Alice.

I get up from the table, nod at Jasper, give Alice a wink, and incline my head towards Bella. "Laters. I will talk to you guys after school."

I make my way to the secluded bathroom off of the back of the gym. This is my favorite place to satisfy the demons. It is dark and no one ever comes down here. I open my backpack and pull out my stash. The white almost glows in the darkness. As I pour some out onto the counter, I smile. It looks so innocent like snow, fresh snow, before all the tires from the cars making it into black disgusting mix of slush. I pull out my razor, thin out the powder, and create four equal lines. I grab the straw out of my backpack and lean down; pushing against my right nostril with the straw in my left I inhale deeply. I do the rest of the lines and tilt my head back. I shake my head a little at the drainage down the back of my throat. I open my eyes and look in the mirror. I still look like shit - that never seems to change- but my tremors have subsided. _God, I am such a fucking addict. Of course you are just like mommy and daddy, you can run but you can't ride. _The demons are enjoying themselves. I have rarely thought this much about where I am and why since I was 15 and enjoyed my first real high. I sit on the floor and close my eyes. WTF is going on with me? I realize sitting there that all this shit is because of one brown haired beautiful girl that has somehow wiggled into my life and that of my friends. I want to hate her, but there is something about her. She sees me; at least I think she does. But then again she seems to see everyone - at least from what I saw at Metro last night. She takes care of all of them. I must just be another lost little dog to her that she can bandage and fix. Fuck her! I am not some sad little lost puppy. I know who the fuck I am and I am content to live in my own personal hell and heaven. I am Edward Fucking Cullen - girls want to fuck me, boys want to be like me, and I don't give a flying fuck about Miss Bella. The demons laugh out loud at this train of thought and shake their heads at me - yea, they know me better than I know myself sometimes.

I stand up, grab my shit and head on to Latin class. As I walk in the door, I am assailed by the site of Bella in the class sitting next to my desk. Fuck, I forgot she was in this class now. I slide into my seat as Ms. Hipsher looks up from her notes. Class is boring with us translating The Aeneid for our AP test coming up. I can't concentrate with Bella so close. Every part of me wants to yell at her to leave me the fuck alone, yet there is this one small part of my mind being beaten with a whip by the demons to shut up that says she might be able to save me - that I need her. I am so agitated that my leg is bouncing a mile a minute and my hair is standing on end from me running my hands through it. My lips are chapped from licking them constantly and pulling my lip ring into my mouth. All of this not helped at all by the four lines of heaven I ingested not 20 minutes ago.

I suddenly feel a warm hand on my thigh. I look down and Bella has placed her hand on my thigh. She turns it palm up and inside is a tube of chapstick. I say nothing, take the chapstick and apply it, placing it back in her palm. She closes her hand and then places the chapstick back in her backpack. She doesn't look at me or even really acknowledge me which I am thankful for, otherwise I think I might shake the ever lovin' shit out of her.

The bell rings and I grab my stuff and head to my next class. The rest of the day goes by in a drug induced blur. I answer questions posed to me, take a test, and perform enough not to raise much suspicion. As the last bell rings, I rush to my locker, grab what I need for tonight, and haul ass down the hallway, through the cafeteria, down the stairs, and I am almost past the gym when Coach McBride steps out and grabs my arm. I pull to a stop and look up at him.

"Edward," he says, "don't forget soccer practice starts next week. You are still playing right?"

"Yea, I am playing." I almost growl. I need to get out of here. I need to go smoke, go home, and think. In that order, not bullshit with my soccer coach.

"Okay, practice starts 7am on Monday. Be there on time." he states and as he starts to walk away he stops and turns to me. "Oh, and Edward, be sober. At least for practice."

I stare after him dumbfounded. I never thought he knew. Guess I am not as slick as I think I am - fuck me running. I shake my head and walk towards the doors. I hit the ramp and pull out my cigs and light one quickly. As the smoke hits my lungs, I feel like I can finally breathe. I see Lauren and Jessica coming up to me. I smile my crooked grin and wink at them both. They giggle.

"Ladies, how was your day?" I say.

"Oh, fine. We were wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight." Lauren asks.

"Not tonight ladies, but maybe tomorrow. I have shit to do.", I say, smiling and looking at them through my lashes. _Yea, eat that shit up ladies_.

"Okay," they state in unison and head to Lauren's car.

Just as they walk away, Bella, Alice, and Jazz come through the doors. Alice launches herself at me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Jesus Alice! I just saw you at lunch, "I laugh.

"I know, but I missed you. You are my Edward and I need Edward loving every day or my life is not complete," Alice states.

All of us look at her and start laughing our asses off. She looks around clueless and then the light bulb goes off.

"Oh, fuck. That is soooo NOT what I meant," Alice sputters.

"I know Alice. Jazz doesn't share. But don't worry I need pixie love too." I manage to spit out between laughs.

Alice climbs down from around my waist and walks over to Jazz.

"So, any plans for tonight?" I ask

"Alice and I are going to hang at my house and then go to Bella's grandmothers for dinner." Jazz says

"You are invited as well, dark angel," Bella says quietly. She seems to know that I am uneasy around her right now.

"Umm, maybe. What time?" I ask, looking at her deep brown eyes.

"Everyone is meeting at her place around 7 to hang out and eat. So whenever you want to show up is fine. I can give you my cell and you can call me for directions if you want to come," she muses.

"Sure, that would work," I say as I pull out my blackberry. I hand it to her so she can enter in her number and she looks at me with this funny expression on her face.

"What?" I ask.

"Umm, I am a little blackberry challenged. They always seem to do weird stuff when I try and use one. It might be safer if you just enter my number yourself," she states with a little laugh and a blush creeps up her cheeks.

I laugh and take back my phone. "Don't want you damaging my lifeline. Okay, what are the digits?" I smirk.

Bella gives me her number and we stand around smoking and waiting for the parking lot to clear out. Suddenly a black hearse pulls up to the end of the ramp.

Alice starts jumping up and down while Jazz tries to hold onto her shoulders to keep her in place. "Is that Crispy?" Alice asks

"Yep," Bella says. "Come on, I will introduce you."

I look at Jazz and say, "Hearse? Really? Does this guy think he is the grim reaper or what?"

Jazz just laughs and says," Apparently, he has had it for awhile. Bella was telling us about him last night. He is sort of the father figure/protector of the group of misfits that call themselves family."

Just as they start down the ramp, a short man steps out of the driver's side and walks around the front of the hearse. He is dressed in a top hat, black jacket, blood red button down shirt, black dress slacks, and combat boots. That in itself is enough to make me look twice, but what really catches my eye is that in his right hand he has a can with a skull on it.

"Hello my little hippy," Crispy states, laughing as Bella jumps to give him a hug. This bothers me and suddenly I don't like the fact that she is hugging on someone like that. I mean really how many people is she fucking? And people think I am a manwhore? I start to wonder what is up with all of these people she hangs out with.

"Hello, Crispy. Thanks for picking me up," Bella states while giving him a kiss on his chubby cheek. "Oh, Crispy, this is Alice. She is one of my new friends here. She is amazing and she designs clothes. I think you and her will get along famously." she gushes.

Alice steps up to Crispy, bouncing on the souls of her feet. "I love your outfit, but a velvet jacket would have been a better choice." she states firmly as she sticks out her hand for him to shake. He takes her hand and kisses her knuckles, then gently pulls her into a hug.

"The pleasure is mine, dear little pixie." he says through a smile and light laugh.

Jazz moves down the ramp to meet this guy, and because I am a glutton for punishment I follow.

"Crispy, this is Jazz, Alice boyfriend, and Edward." Bella looks at us as she says the introductions.

Crispy and Jazz shake hands and then Crispy turns to me. "Edward, huh? You must be the one she has coined Dark Angel." he says almost growling. He stares at me intently for what seems like minutes, and then shakes my hand.

"Yea, nice to meet you." I say holding his gaze.

"Okay, I gotta run. If I decide to come tonight I will call you Bella. Laters, guys." I say as I turn to walk away anxious to remove myself from this man and his intent gaze.

As I get in my car, I see Alice and Jazz walking away and Bella climbs into the front seat of the hearse and Crispy drives off. I head off for my house for some serious alone time.

As soon as I get home I notice that Esme is gone and the house is quiet. Thank god! I need the silence right now. I head up to my room, flip on the bedside lamp, and slip my IPod into the deck. Skinny Puppy blares out of the speakers around the room and I lay back on my bed. I must have dozed off because I am suddenly opening my eyes to find a pixie jumping on my bed telling me to get my ass up.

"What the fuck Alice!" I yell rubbing sleep out of my eyes, trying to get them to focus.

"Get up and get ready. You are going to dinner at Bella's grandma's" she states in that voice I know means DO NOT ARGUE - YOU WILL NOT WIN.

"Fine. Who all is going to be there anyway?" I grumble.

"Umm, not sure. She said a few of the family of misfits, Crispy, and I think that is it besides us," Alice rattles off as she quirks her head to the side.

Alice jumps off my bed, as I sit up and stretch. She is pulling clothes out of drawers and throwing them at me. "Wear these" she says as I look at the jeans and green t-shirt lying in my lap.

I start to the bathroom to get dressed when Jazz stops me. In a low voice full of strength he says, "Don't get high Edward. Try to at least stay sober for a little while tonight."

I glare at him, honey gold vs. green, and slam the door shut. After I was dressed, Alice, Jazz and I head to Bella's grandma's house. As we pull into the driveway, I notice the hearse and some other cars all parked already. My nerves start to set in and I am extremely tempted to bail.

Alice looks over at me and holds my gaze, "DO NOT even think it my dear Edward." she calmly states with a hard edge to her voice. " I told you she was going to be part of our lives. Let it go. You know better than to fight me on this shit."

I roll my eyes at her, turn off the car, and get out. We walk up to the door and a shorter older woman with a warming smile, salt and pepper gray hair, and kind hazel eyes opens the door and waves us in.

"You all must be Alice, Jazz, and Edward," she says enveloping each of us in a hug. "I am Bella's grandma, Betty. Just call me Grandma. Everyone else does. Mi Casa, es su Casa."

"Nice to meet you" we all state in unison and then she starts laughing. "I see you all trained for that." she says and then turns gently to head to the kitchen.

I instantly like this woman. She is warm, friendly, and seemingly non judgmental. _Yea because she doesn't know you, my demons so gallantly state._ I watch her cook for a few minutes more, sigh to myself and continue into the house. As soon as I enter the living room, I stop in my tracks. Everyone is looking at me as Bella shyly raises her eyes to meet mine with a smile.

Suddenly I fell like I am some freak on display and everyone is judging me. I turn around quickly and head out the door, pulling a cig out of my pocket and lighting it quickly. I hear the screen door open and close. I turn around to see Bella's grandma standing there smoking looking at me with kind eyes.

"She likes you. You are her lightening, just like she is yours. You should trust her with your demons she just might be your salvation." she says not really even looking at me. She isn't expecting a response , I can tell by her her tone. She is just imparting some wisdom she thinks I should know without any judgement on how I use it.

My brain suddenly seems to misfire and I stare at her in disbelief. _How the hell does she know this about me?_ _And more importantly what the fuck does she mean that I am Bella's lightening?_ Next thing I know, she pats my shoulder gently and walks inside. I am left outside to finish my cig and figure out how the fuck to get out of here without causing a scene.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay the story really begins here. Remember I own nothing that has to do with anything Twilight or related to and have nothing to do with Summit.

There is a blog to this story. Check my profile for the link. It will be up on Tuesday. You can also follow my on Twitter.

Chapter 5

you said, this is my bedroom window you said, this is my view you said, lie down here with me and see the things that i do like you were trying to tell me something about the way you live like you would give me something if you had something to give - Used to You (Ani Difranco)

As I stood there finishing my cig, trying to figure out how to get out of this, the screen door opened again. I didn't turn to look at who it was because I was pretty sure it was my little pixie of a best friend to yell at me to get my ass back inside. I waited, but the person didn't say anything and as I turned around to talk to Alice, I suddenly drew in my breath. It wasn't Alice standing there, it was Bella. She was just looking at me, her brown eyes looked a little sad and confused, and her hands were in front of her as she played with the many rings on her fingers.

"Hey, you didn't have to come out here. I was heading back in. Just finishing my cig.", I said.

"I was just checking on you. I know all this can be a little overwhelming and that the guys didn't exactly give you a warm welcome. They are a little..umm what's the best word...protective, of each other. They tend to start the whose dick is bigger contest for no real reasons. I am sorry if they made you feel uncomfortable. I am really glad you came though. I wanted you to meet my grandma and get to know me and the rest of the misfits." she laughs, but her eyes are serious in their intentions.

"It's okay. I just don't do well in large groups of new people. It makes me a little nervous. But I really like your grandma. She seems amazing." I smile my crooked smile at her and suck my lip ring into my mouth, embarrassed I have shared with her my feelings about a woman I just met and the fact that I have divulged a huge secret about my nervousness in large groups. I mean, anyone that sees me around and sees the Edward Cullen from school and at parties, would never guess my little insecurity and fear.

" Yea, she is amazing. She is, well she is more like my mom, than well my mom." she says shyly - almost embarrassed at the revelation. She shakes her head and her brown hair tumbles into her face and she looks up. "Come on, I promise I won't let them bite..unless you want them too." she laughs and extends her hand.

I grin and take her hand, deciding in that moment we might just be able to be friends. My demons, who have been strangely quiet for awhile peak their heads up from the table they passed out on and smirk_: whatever you think there boy. Remember, you are a fuck up. When people find out about your past, all of it, not just what you choose to share, they are going to be disgusted. _ I shiver a little but continue to put one foot in front of the other walking into the house.

As soon as we enter, I see everyone lounging in the living room with Grandma. She is sitting in a recliner, her knotted fingers holding a cigarette as she seems to hold court over the mass of youth sitting in her living room and lying on the floor. I look at every one's faces, and there is a sense of love and endearment as they listen to her talk - even Alice and Jazz seem to have fallen under her spell. I am unconsciously pulled to the center, my feet drawn to this woman. I sit down on the floor next to Alice and Jazz to watch and listen.

"Chicken," I hear Grandma's voice through my thoughts, "when are you going to quit shooting shit into your veins and clean up. You are too smart to make me have to bury you." she says, yet there is no condemnation in your voice, only love and support.

I look over at Chicken, I remember him from Metro. He is dressed in black jeans, a Skinny Puppy shirt with long sleeves and thumb holes cut into the cuffs. His hair is tamer than the night at the diner - no liberty spikes, but it is still spiked up everywhere. He has fair skin and dark eyes - dark eyes that remind me of mine with shadows underneath them screaming for sleep. "Soon, Grandma. I promise. I am trying, its just sometimes...," his voice fades quietly.

"I understand baby. I just worry." Grandma says looking at him with such unconditional love it makes my heart skip a bit. I have never seen that look except from Esme and even then it seemed sheltered. This woman looks at all of us in the room with the same look, I almost believe she would love me like that. _What the fuck ever my man, giggle the demons. She isn't a saint, your fucked up upbringing would even bring this woman down. Who loves a kid who watched their mother get fucked by random men? _I am suddenly pulled from my thoughts when Grandma gets up from her recliner and walks through the living room towards the kitchen. On the way, she touches everyone she passes. They are small touches, but full of love. As she passes me, her fingers find my head and she ruffles my hair. I flinch a little, but I am still in awe - who the hell is this woman?

Crispy yells, "Smoke break!"

Half of us get up and head to the back porch pulling out cigs and lighters as we go. We are all standing outside, everyone seems engrossed in conversations with someone. I step over to the banister and look out over her backyard. I feel someone beside me and look over. There stands Crispy - I knew this was coming, but sort of hoped it would wait.

"So, what is your story?" he asks.

"No story really. Just me." I say, trying to not be an ass.

"I call bullshit.", he says quietly, "You have a story, you're just not ready to share with me. That is cool though. Believe me, we all have stories here. That is why the family started so to speak. We all needed each other in different ways. Then a year ago, Bella joined the mix - I am not even sure how the hell she folded into us so well as she is about as normal looking as those upper class shits you go to school with but she did. She sort of started taking care of everyone. Offering support, advice, keeping us all sane - she became mom and I became her protector. She is like my little sister."

"She seems sweet, although it seems like she collects people to fix them. What if they can't be fixed?" I say.

"She helps. She knows she can't fix us all and we know we can't all fix each other, but we try. We are each others family - family most of us don't have. We are all fucked up in some way. If you ever decided to open up a little and talk, make friends with some of us, you would see that. I like you Edward, and Bella is drawn to you. She has never been drawn like this to someone. Just get to know her and us. Unfortunately, we are kinda a package deal." Crispy looks over at me, begging me to hear what he is saying.

I pull my cig into my mouth and suck a drag into my lungs. I look around at everyone - all so different: goths, punks, grunge - everything. I look him in the eye and for the first time in a long time feel like maybe besides Alice and Jazz these strange misfits might actually get it. I see arms with scars, track marks, tattoos, piercings, dark eyes, happy eyes, and feel something more important - acceptance. Alice and Jazz are talking to a girl named Leah and a boy named Seth both dressed as punks but with sad eyes. They are laughing and suddenly I want this - for once I want this type of acceptance. I push the demons down, I can feel them starting to sit up and take notice, and I look back at Crispy.

"I want that too. I like you all or what I have seen. I can try to be part of this, but essentially I try not to be involved with too many people. Works better that way." I say to him.

"Understood. We won't push but you are always welcome." he says, smiling and turns around to head into the house. He stops suddenly and looks at me, "Give her a chance to be your friend." and then he walks into the house.

"Come on children, dinner's ready!" I hear Grandma yell from the dining room. Everyone yells and laughs running for the door and I join in - that shit smells delicious.

After everyone is seated and food is served, there is a small silence filled with moans and groans. I am shoveling food in my mouth as I haven't taken an escape up my nose in quite awhile and my stomach is craving food. I look up at Grandma, smiling my crooked smile, "Thanks. This shit is amazing."

She laughs, "With that smile and those eyes my boy, you are dangerous. Glad you like my cooking. If I was a little younger, you might just have made me swoon."

I grin again and continue shoveling food in my mouth. I look up again as conversations are starting to replace the silence of good food into stomachs and see Bella smiling at me. Her head nods just a tad and she turns to talk to Seth. Leah looks at me and smiles. "So, Edward, favorite movie and don't give me some emo bullshit like the rest of these idiots."

I laugh and say, "Well, favorite movie has to either be Boondock Saints or Reservoir Dogs. Both classics."

"Hell yea mother fucker" Chicken yells from across the table standing up with his fist reaching across the table for a fist bump. I lean over and bump knuckles with him laughing as Grandma rolls her eyes at us both.

"Good choices, all through I prefer 30 days and nights," Leah says. As soon as that comment is out of her mouth the table explodes in a cacophony of voices all talking about movies and I suddenly find myself included in those voices, arguing back and forth with Leah, Seth, and Jazz about the merits of the movies.

In the middle of the chaos of the conversation, the screen door opens and suddenly I see Bella tense out of the corner of my eye. I look up and in walks a tall woman with sharp almost Roman features. Everyone looks up and it feels like the air has been sucked out of the room and I notice Seth put a protective arm around the back of Bella's chair as Crispy sits up a little straighter at the end of the table.

"Hello Tanya," Grandma says. "I wasn't expecting you honey. You said you had to work late."

"Yea, the meeting was over quicker than I thought. I decided I would surprise you all since I haven't seen the gang in forever. Also, I haven't seen Bella in a few days and I missed my sweet daughter, " she states with this almost sickeningly sweet tone and leans down to hug Bella.

I notice Seth stiffen and more interestingly I notice Bella hug her Mom fiercely but at the same time her eyes are downcast almost like she is unsure of when this affection will no longer be tolerated and is ashamed of herself for grasping at it with such fervor. "Hi mom," Bella says quietly. " I have missed you."

"Well, pull up a chair and I will get you a plate." Grandma says with a tone that is neither welcoming or inviting but almost filled with a sadness.

"I don't want to intrude just wanted to say hello. I ate already at my meeting so not a big deal." Tanya says looking over the table. When she comes to me, she stops. "Who are you sexy?" she asks.

I look up at her and hold her gaze. She has that look that Lauren and Jessica get - and her eyes scan me up and down. "I am Edward, and you are?" I state enunciating each syllable.

"I'm Tanya. Bella's mom. I see you must be new to the family of misfits. Well, they all hang at Bella and my house when they aren't here. I am gone a lot and I don't like Bella being alone so I let everyone hang at the house." she says still looking at me like I am the newest pet in her collection.

"Okay" I say and begin eating again. I glance around as everyone begins to follow my lead and ignore this woman. I watch her sit down next to Bella and start talking quietly. I am no sure what is being said, but I see Seth's eyes darken and the grip on his fork is tight. I look at Bella and her eyes are downcast as I hear her say, "Of course, mom. No, I understand we wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me. Of course I will come with you to the fundraiser."

Dinner is finished and everyone seems on edge with Tanya being around. I gather from the tension that no one here really likes this woman and while I get it has to do with how she treats Bella and obviously her own mother, I can't say I see anything major. Looks like just teen girl and mom issues. I stand up and stretch glancing at my watch. I really need to take some shit or I am going to be crashing soon and that would not be fun to explain. Grandma eyes me but says nothing as I ask where the bathroom is. Crispy tells me and I head into it and lock the door. I pull out my stash and make quick work of the lines. I wash my hands and glance at myself in the mirror.

I open the door and head back into the living room. Everyone is standing around grabbing their jackets and lining up to leave. I glance at Bella who is standing off to the side with her mom. Her mom's arm is over her shoulder and she is talking to Grandma. Bella keeps her eyes down, but watching this I realize that there is definitely more going on than the typical mom/daughter b.s. Grandma is talking her stance tense. Bella's mom just laughs and all I hear is , "of course she wants to go with me. She always comes and she enjoys meeting everyone." I see Grandma sigh and shake her head. Bella looks up and I catch her eye and smile. She smiles a little and then excuses herself from her mom.

"Leaving?" she asks.

"Yep, we are going to head out. I will see you at school tomorrow, okay." I say. I almost want to tell her to call me if she needs anything. She suddenly looks very small, not like the person I see talking and laughing with her friends, the strong woman who seems to take care of everyone.

"Yep, see you in the morning Dark Angel," she says and leans up and kisses my cheek.

Alice and Jazz come over and say good bye giving Bella a hug and kiss as I walk over to Grandma.

"Thanks for dinner, it was great." I say and amaze myself by willing giving her a hug. She hugs me back and whispers, "Anytime sugar. My door is always open and your name is at the guard station so stop by anytime. I mean it." I pull back and smile.

Suddenly Bella's mom is grabbing me and gives me a hug. My whole body stiffens and I smell her perfume and things get fuzzy. She smells like my mom and my stomach starts to roll. The demons jump up and down like they have been waiting for me to freak out while I am here and prove what a fuck up I am. I pull back sharply and turn to leave.

"Bye honey. You are welcome over to our house anytime too. " Tanya says but I can hear the undercurrent in her voice. I know that tone and I shiver pushing back the memories that tone brings up.

"Yea thanks." I say and walk over to Crispy and Seth. I shake their hands and we all head out the door. As I get to my car, Chicken walks by and leans down to my ear. "Watch Bella's mom. She is a crazy bitch and by the way, welcome to the family fucker." He looks at me and smirks as he heads to crawl into Crispy's hearse.

On the ride to Alice's, no one says anything. I think we are all a little too caught up in the evening's events. So much happened, but nothing really did. It is weird how a non eventful night can seem like it is filled with all the answers and a million more questions. When we reach Alice's, she leans over and gives me a kiss and quietly gets out of the car.

"Bye Pixie. I love ya," I say. She looks startled for a minute and then says, " Love you too ass". Jazz climbs out of the back nodding in my direction and once the door is closed I take off to my house_. _

Esme is sitting in the living room reading as I start the climb upstairs to my room. "Hey sweetie. Have a good time tonight?" she asks.

"Yea, actually I did. It was kinda fun." I say surprising even myself.

"Good to hear honey. You spend way to much time being way to serious. I miss your smile, the real one, not the fake one you use to get me off your back." she says continuing to read.

I stand there stunned a little and then laugh. "You aren't that good of an actor honey." she says again as I head upstairs to my room.

I throw off my leather jacket and sit on my bed pulling of my boots and jeans and flop backwards. I stare at the ceiling forever just letting my mind go blank rubbing my hands up and down my chest under my shirt. My mind starts to drift to my excursion in the bathroom with Lauren and Jessica. Damn that was hot and I feel my dick getting hard as I start to relive it in my memory. My hand goes down to my dick and I pull it out of my boxer briefs running my hand up and down the shaft. As my mind continues to remember fucking them both my dick gets harder and my hand continues a steady rhythm up and down; my thumb gliding over the tip gathering the precum and using it as lube. Soon my fantasy switches and I see myself between Bella's thighs with her on the sink counter in the bathroom, my face buried deep in her pussy. My hand speeds up and my dick gets impossibly harder as I imagine the look on her face as I tease her clit with my teeth, my fingers slowly entering her and fucking her with my fingers. My breathing picks up and I feel my dick twitch in my hand, my balls tighten and my thighs start to tense. Just as I see her cum on my face in my mind, my orgasm racks through me and cum jets out across my chest.

I lay there for a minute and catch my breath and then I sit up suddenly. What the fuck was I thinking? Sure Bella's attractive, but I don't think of her that way. She is just some chick who wants to save me, obvious by tonight's revelations from Crispy. Although if I am being honest, she has a nice rack and some great legs, and yea I would totally fuck that shit. Okay, that explains why I would use her for masturbation material - she is hot, I haven't had her yet so of course I would wonder, and I do get bored with Lauren and Jessica. Yea, that is totally why she popped up. Nothing more I think as I head to the bathroom for a shower. My demons start laughing at me _Good to know you aren't turning into a pussy and actually liking a girl for more than what between her legs can offer you. Besides Alice, you don't need any girls as friends. You know what happens - it never works and you end up hurting them._

After my shower, I pull my laptop into my lap as I lay stretched out on my bed. No point in acting like I am going to sleep. I log into my email and see an email from Alice. I click on it and start laughing immediately. All the email contains is a picture of a huge q-tip with a question mark. I hit reply telling her that I promise to be more careful. I start surfing around the net, but nothing seems to hold my interest. Closing the laptop, I lay back and figure I can at least doze, but as my eyes start to shut all the drugs I have done today start to show and every little noise has me jumping out of my skin. The paranoia has kicked in. I struggle underneath my comforter pulling it up over my head and grab the knife out of my bedside table wrapping my hand around it as I again try to doze. As I feel sleep coming, I feel the memories pulling me back to childhood.

_I open my bedroom door and walk quietly down the hall. My feetie pajamas making a scraping noise as I head to the bathroom. I am trying_

_to be quiet because if I wake them up or they hear me I will get in trouble for being up in the middle of the night. I am almost to the bathroom _

_when I hear my mom and dad talking. "It's your turn to get the shit Liz" my dad says. "No, I went last time and we didn't have money so I had _

_to fuck him, remember?" my mom says. "I say we take him up on his deal." dad says. "No, I can't do that. I can fuck whoever you need me _

_to as long as it isn't here and I can't handle what they might do to Edward." she says quietly. "They won't hurt him. They will just let people look at him_

_maybe make him watch some stuff. They won't fuck him or anything." dad says. I stop in my tracks suddenly the bathroom isn't that important and I just stare _

_into the living room. My mom is shaking her head and dad is sitting in front of her with a needle. "Come on baby. Let them use him so we can function. I can't not _

_be high or my work will suffer. Do want me to lose my job, hen what would happen. Your precious boy would have nothing." My mom shakes her head _

_"We can't do this to him. He wouldn't understand, he is just 8 years old." My dad looks at her and I see his hand come up and he slaps her. Her head flies to _

_the side. She is crying, " Okay, please stop. We can let them use him, but he stays with us and it happens here." My dad nods and stands up. _

_I suddenly don't need to use the bathroom anymore because while I have no idea what is going on, I know it doesn't seem good. _

_He hands her the needle and I see her shove it into her vein as my father leans over her and pulls her face down to his crotch. "Time to pay up honey." _

_I run quickly back to my room just as I see him unzip his pants. I bury under the covers and lay there trying to block the sounds from the living room. _

_I must have fallen asleep because suddenly I am being stripped of my pajamas and my mom is leading me to the bathroom. _

_"Time to clean up Angel. You had an accident and you have to be really pretty today. Can you do that for mommy?" I nod and look down realizing _

_that I must have wet the bed last night. I guess I did need to pee after all. _

I jump up sweat pouring off my body, knife held up ready to attack the noise coming from my door. "Edward, get up or you are going to be late." Esme calls.

I look at the clock realizing that I have less than 20 minutes to get to school. FUUUUUCK! I grab a pair of khakis from the closet, a white button down, a tie off my couch and run to the bathroom. I am out the door in less than 10 minutes and to school within 8 minutes. I jump out of my car and almost run up the ramp to meet Alice and Jazz. My brain is still trying to recover from the haze of my nightmare and my hands are shaking as I didn't have time to medicate, but I light a cig and hope that defogs the brain and quells the tremors.

I smile at Alice and Jazz and look around for Bella.

"She not here yet?" I ask.

Alice looks down at her feet and then up at me. "She isn't going to be at school for the next few days. She called me last night and said her mom needs her for some fundraiser thing so she is going to be with her. She didn't seem too happy about it. I am kinda worried, her mom is a little...ummm...strange or is it just me?"

"No, it isn't just you darlin'," Jazz says, "There is something weird about their relationship. I noticed it last night, but I am not sure what it is. Maybe they are just having a rough time right now."

"Yea maybe," I say and suddenly my morning just seems to get even pissier. I kinda wanted to continue getting to know her a little to see what she wants with me - if she actually likes me as a person or just as a sick lost little puppy to take care of. I need to find out soon so I know what to do with her.

I finish my cig and we march to Chapel with Alice between Jazz and me holding our hands and chatting away.

The rest of the week flies by and before I know it Friday is upon us. Bella has not been at school the rest of the week, but she has talked to Alice. Apparently her mom took her to Washington DC for some type of political thing. I just nod and smile and do not even try to understand what the fuck all that shit means. However, I am kind of excited because she has invited us out to the IKON, this club that everyone she knows hangs out at. I must admit the idea of some new girl lovin' is exciting as I am getting a little bored with Lauren and Jessica and the whole jackin' off to Bella image still disturbs me a little. As I head out of the back doors by the gym, I pull out a cig and light it waiting on Alice and Jasper to get done with class.

As I am about to say fuck it, Alice comes bounding out the door and jumps into my arms.

"Well hello my little pixie love," I laugh and place a kiss on her cheek.

"Hello my dear Edward. So the plans for tonight..." she starts to rattle off a million and one different things including times, clothing, and hair.

I look over to Jazz and quietly whisper, "Okay, just tell me what time I am supposed to pick you up?"

He smiles leaning into my ear, "Say around 9. Does that work for you?"

"Yea, I will be there. Will you be at your house or Alice's?" I ask.

"Umm, not sure. Call before you head out and I will let you know." he states.

I nod and look at Alice who is still talking away, mostly to herself, completely unaware that neither Jazz nor I have been paying a lick of attention to her for the last few minutes. "Pix, I am going to head out now. I will call before I come get you, Okay?"

"Oh, okay Edward. I loves you bunches." she giggles as Jasper throws her over his shoulder with one arm and holds down her skirt with the other. She waves and they head towards Jazz's car. I head towards mine and just as I get there, Candi approaches me. Jessica and Lauren aren't far behind as these girls are attached at the hip and seem to congregate like flies on rotted meat. I look her in the eye, through my lashes of course and smile. She smiles back and fidgets with her skirt. I know what they want; its simple - me. My dick reacts because it has been several days since his last bit of action that didn't involve my right hand. Candi walks closer leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

"Hey Edward" she says shyly. Candi hangs with Jessica and Lauren, but she is quieter not as brash and in your face.

"Hey honey. How are you this fine afternoon?" I smirk at her.

"Umm, I am okay. So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out this afternoon." she asks.

"Sure I don't have anywhere to be until later. Why don't you come by my place in about an hour." I say, grabbing her hand and running my fingers up her arm.

Looking over her shoulder, I lean into her and whisper in her ear, "Come alone. I don't want company with you this time." I lean back and wink at her.

"Oh, Okay, " she stutters. I can understand why - I have never taken her by herself. Jessica or Lauren has always been there, but I need something new and different.

She turns and heads towards the fan club and shakes her head and I see them look over her shoulder at me with confused looks on their faces. I haven't turned them down this much in months, including the summer when we didn't see each other every day. I wave at them, tilt my head and smirk blowing them each a kiss. They blush and this seems to satisfy them for the moment.

I slip into my car and head home glad for once that Esme is out of town for the weekend with Daddy C at a conference in Oklahoma City. I do love her, but this gives me unfettered access to all areas of the house for smexin this weekend and with the Candi coming over and then the trip to the club, I anticipate allowing EJr. to get his fair share of candy this weekend.

I head up the stairs after grabbing a coke from the fridge and head to my couch. I pull out my rig from underneath and start setting up. Tonight I am going to have to be careful. It seems Bella is a little too observant regarding my habit. I shouldn't really care, but for some reason the idea of being high around her disturbs me, but I know that I can't deal without it. It has been too many years and the demons demand submission in this one area or the memories and flashbacks hit - the demons don't care where we are. If they aren't happy then the images start flipping through my brain like they are on an IMAX movie screen and all I can do is try to get out of wherever I am. The last time I tried to quit I ended up coming to with Jazz slammed against the wall and I had a knife to his neck - he still has the scar to show for my fucked up ness. After that time, I haven't really even tried to be clean, it just doesn't seem worth it for my own sanity and the safety of my friends.

I place the water on the spoon, put a drop of cotton, drop the crank in, and flick my lighter on underneath. As it heats, I watch my savior melt and my demons lift up from their drunken stupor in the dungeon and high five each other. They tilt the Patron bottles into their mouths and sigh - this is going to be a good night they laugh. I pick up the needle, shove it into the cotton and draw up. I place the needle on the mirror and grab my belt off the floor, trying it around my bicep, I flex my hand a few times making sure my vein is visible or at least enough to hit the mark, pick up the needle, and hit the vein. My teeth let go of the belt and I lay back against the couch. The numbness starts at my toes and works its way up, cocooning me in its warmth. I feel soft, normal, and safe - I imagine this is what it feels like when a mother protects their child with their arms wrapped tightly around and their mouth issuing words of comfort and love. I lay in this position until I hear the doorbell. I lift my head up - I am moving slowly as I took more than I usually do. I climb to my feet, throw off my shirt, undo the button on my pants, and head down to answer the door.

When I pull open the door, Candi is standing there in jeans and a shirt blushing slightly. I don't want to talk or waste time. Truth be told I just need to fuck something and she is there - like all the girls in the fan club. They use me for social status and I use them to get my cock off. Works just fine as a business arrangement. I am sure some get feelings for me but they know going in I don't give a flying fuck and a half. I grab her by the arm and pull her into a kiss, slamming the front door and locking it. Can't be disturbed right now.

I slam her into the wall and strip her shirt off of her. I don't have time to be nice, my mind is going too fast - the crank has hit full force and my dick is pressing against my pants, straining to get out. I pull the zipper down and force Candi onto her knees. My rock hard cock is in front of her mouth and damn does she have some DSL's. She looks up at me almost with a question in her eyes. I brush my hand down her jaw and pull her lips open gliding the tip of my dick into her mouth. She opens and takes me in - all the way. I can feel the back of her throat as she slides up and down my cock; her lips sucking, her tongue gliding over the tip and down the underside. I grab her hair and start fucking her face and forcing her nose to meet my stomach as I slam into her mouth. She takes it all and soon I feel myself getting ready to come. I look at her, her eyes staring at me with a weird look of adoration and shame and just as I am about to shoot my load, I say one word in almost a growl, "Swallow". The minute the word is out, cum shoots down her throat and I feel her muscles swallowing all of it.

When I am finished, I pull out of her mouth and pick her up placing her on the kitchen table. I pull her jeans down _good girl, I think to myself, no underwear._ I push her legs back so she is spread for me and I shove my fingers into as I hear her take in a breath. I work her into a frenzy, my fingers sliding in and out twisting them around, getting her wet. She is tight and my almost 10 inches will hurt if she isn't ready. When I feel her muscles start to clench I pull out my fingers, look her in the eye as I lick them off and then shove my dick deep inside her. She comes immediately and I keep thrusting in, needing to just fuck her. At this point, my mind has shut off and the base animal urge for pure and simple fucking takes over .She has had her orgasm - now it is about me. I hear her whimpering but I can't slow down or be more gentle. I feel my orgasm start to creep up. The feeling starting in my balls as they pull up and it shoots down my cock. I feel my thighs tense and my butt clenches and then its there. I lean over her trying to catch my breath and my brain returns online. I look at her and she is breathing heavy, but smiling. I pull out and pull my pants up. I grab her hand and help her off the table. She grabs her jeans and shirt and gets dressed. No words are spoken - no need. We all know the arrangement.

After she leaves, I head upstairs to take a shower. My phone is beeping a sure sign that Alice has texted me with some sort of instructions about tonight. I open the message, but it is from Bella. I suck in my breath and suddenly what I have just done downstairs seems a little trashy. I shake my head as my demons snarl _Who gives a fuck what Bella thinks? You have needs and your dick has needs. End of discussion. She is just a girl that wants to try and save you and remember, you are unsaveable. _ I look at the screen to see what she wants.

E- don't worry about paying cover tonight at the club. I will meet you all outside around 9:30. Please tell Alice. I only have a few minutes before my mom

is back and can't risk texting everyone. Figured you were driving. Hope to see you soon. - B

I don't text back as she seems a little worried about getting caught with her phone. Makes my mind slip back to her mom and that dinner at Grandma's. Her mom is definitely a strange woman, but doesn't seem to be scary or beat the shit out of Bella abusive. Maybe she just doesn't like Bella texting all the time. Huh, oh well, I will try to figure that out later. I smell like Candi's cheap perfume and definitely need a shower. I strip off my pants and head to the bathroom. The hot water from the shower washing away the smell of sex, cheap perfume, and Candi's lipstick from my dick. My mind wanders to Bella and I just stare at her in my mind. What is it about this chick that is causing me such grief? Its like I want to tell her all the shit of my life even though I know that would lead to heartache for me and pity from her. I just stand under the water until it gets cold thinking about those damn eyes and that shapely body. Bella isn't overly thin, she is womanly with curves and tits and defiantly an ass. I step out and grab a towel. Glancing a look at the clock I see I have some time before grabbing Alice and Jazz. I lay on my bed listening to music and zone out letting the high continue to assault my body. By the time I look at the clock again it is time to get ready. I throw on my ass huggin jeans (as Alice calls them), a gray tshirt, and my leather jacket. I lace up my combat boots, run a hand through my hair, grab my keys and as I am walking out the door text Alice. She let's me know they are at Jazz's house, so I head over there grabbing the two love birds and head towards IKON.

As we walk down the sidewalk towards the club, I am looking for Bella. She said she would meet us, but I don't see her anywhere. Suddenly, I hear Alice squeal and I look towards a flash of running pixie. There stands Bella and holy mother of pearl. She is dressed in tight jeans and a black tshirt that gives ample view of her cleavage. I look at her arms and notice she has ink on her biceps and as she turns around in a circle for Alice I notice the ink on her back. I stop where I am, stunned at her beauty and my dick agrees. Jazz just walks past me, patting me on the arm, and places a chaste kiss on Bella's cheek. She finally looks over at me and smiles. I smile back still unable to make my jaw work - this outfit is not helping me relinquish my Bella fantasies.

I step forward and place a kiss on her cheek. I decided earlier today that I am going to try and be friends with her, especially after her Grandmother's. I mean something shifted, but I am still cautious.

"Hey guys, come on. Let's head in and see who else has made it." Bella giggles.

We walk past the window to pay as a very large man bends down and kisses Bella's cheek. She nods at us and lets him know we are with her. He wraps bands around our wrists and lets us in the black doors. The minute we enter the doors, Alice, Jazz, and I are knocked back as Bella is bombarded by hugs and shouts of "MOM" over the music. Alice giggles and Jazz shakes his head. I just stand to the side, hands shoved in my pockets, unsure of what the fuck is going on and why I suddenly feel like grabbing her and putting my arm around her so no one else touches her. I shake my head to rid those thoughts and look around for some girls to take my mind off this ever declining situation. As people keep coming up, Bella introduces us. Suddenly, her friend Shane one of the peeps I met at Metro comes up. He is a nice looking guy with long dark hair and piercings. His leather jacket is well worn and as he grabs Bella's hand and waves for us to follow I see a beautiful tribal design on the back of his jacket. Shane pulls Bella to the back of the club where there is a sitting area and pool tables. Bella plops down and I sit on one side while Shane sits on the other. Shane starts playing with her hair and she turns her back into him so she can see me. I am not quite sure what the hell her relationship is with Shane, but I take a deep breath and figure she knows what she is doing.

"How was your trip? " I ask, leaning in so she can hear me over the bass of the music.

"It was okay. My mom is, well she just is. Anyways, how was school this week?" she asks but her eyes betray a slight sadness to them.

"It was okay. Kinda boring without you around to bust my balls." I smirk at her.

She laughs, "Well, I will remember to text you next time I am out of town in order to keep you in line."

We both laugh and I lean in to say something as a group of people come over to the couch. She winks at me and turns to face them. Everyone seems to come and say hi to her or just talk. It looks almost like she is holding court which is weird to see because at school she is really kinda quiet except for with us and here in this place she is adored and seems perfectly at ease. As she continues to talk, I look around for Alice and Jazz.

Alice in all her pixie glory has been immediately accepted and with Jasper's quiet way he is pulled into the fray. I notice Jazz and Shane are lost in conversation and I am jolted from my mind when two girls plant themselves on my legs, asking questions and feeling my jacket and my hair. I suddenly feel like I am enduring a torture session deemed to figure out how worthy I am for this woman next to me that they adore. I want to shout at them and push them off of my letting them know that I just want to be friends with her and to leave me the fuck alone. I am starting to get twitchy and this is not good. My demons are starting to discuss how to get me to give them another taste of the warmth they feel from the high. I look over at Bella.

She smiles and leans over to the girls "Hey sweeties, I know he is gorgeous, but he isn't your type. Trust me. He would ride you hard and put you up wet. So, why not go up front and look for some other boy to molest for a bit. Okay?"

I look at her in shock as they smile at her, kiss my cheek, and leave. "Uh, thanks Bella, but you didn't have to exactly out me as a whore." I snarl.

"I just call them like I see them sugar." she states simply staring into my eyes and daring me to contradict her.

Tainted Love blares from the speakers and I hear Alice squeal. She grabs Bella and Shane and they take off for the dance floor. Jazz and I slowly follow to the floor and I stare out onto the dark dance floor flowing with bodies, lovers, friends, and dark desperation. The twitchy feeling increases and I know my extra curricular activities from earlier are officially wearing off and I need another hit.

"Hey Jazz, I am going to take a piss. I will be right back."

"Hey, taking a piss my ass," Jazz says as he shakes his head, but comments no further.

I head through the sea of bodies towards the bathroom. I go into the stall, pull out a my stash, and snort some up my nose. Not my fav way to do my drugs, but I am not lining up along these nasty ass bathroom counters to save my life. I take a quick piss and head back to the dance floor. No one seems the wiser and I watch as Alice, Bella, and Shane dance against each other. Bella laughs and I suddenly feel myself moving to join her. My demons are laughing their asses off and my mind is trying to stop my feet, but I keep moving. I slip behind her and she turns and smiles leaning into me and whispers in my ear, "That shit will kill you, ya know."

I look at her and smile my crooked grin, "What stuff?" I say.

She just winks and grinds her ass against me. I get lost in the smell of her - vanilla, sandalwood, and cigs - and the feel of her against my body. The high has concentrated my senses and she is all I can sense right now. Shane comes and grabs her as three guys come running and I am startled back into reality.

"Mom, hurry its Chicken." they yell.

Bella looks at them and her eyes betray worry and then quickly resolve. She turns to us, " I will be right back. Head back to the couches." and then she runs off after the three guys and Shane.

We head back to the couches in the back room to wait and after about 20 minutes she finally appears holding up Chicken and trying to get him to walk. His hair is up in liberty spikes tonight and he is decked out in black with a trench over his clothes. His face is pale and drawn and he looks nothing like he did at Grandmas. She sits next to me, her hair draping her face and lays his head in her lap. She leans over and whispers in his ear, stroking the shaved sides of his head. I turn away as it seems so private and intimate and I suddenly feel extremely jealous. I watch her through my lashes as Alice sits and talks to her. Bella looks down at Chicken and then leans into me.

"See, I told you that shit was bad for you." She whispers into my ear. Her breath causing a shiver down my spine. "Chicken almost OD. Isn't the first time and probably won't be the last, but I managed to stop it."

I stare at her. Confused and unsure about what to say to this. "How did you, I mean Why would you? It is his choice." I state with conviction knowing that sometimes the idea of death is a gratifying release from the mind's cage.

"Because he is family and he needs us. His demons are just to big right now, so we stand with him, protect him." she quietly states looking down at him with love and compassion. She looks back at me, her eyes imploring me to understand that she gets it.

I just shake my head and look away. I mean this only confirms my suspicions that she wants me for a pet to fix and take care of like the rest of these fucked up people. My anger starts to swell and I know I need to step away. I can't be near her right now. I jump up, grab my jacket and head outside to smoke. My mind starts racing, the demons have come out to play, my head is filled with images of my parents and hands and baths and smells that make my stomach churn. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to blank out my mind and I suddenly feel the air shift and a gentle hand against my cheek wiping a tear away. I turn my head in shame and the demons yell out _PUSSY!!!!!!!_

I open my eyes and Bella smiles softly, "So how bad are the demons?"

I shrug, not willing to talk and take a drag of my cig. She nods and slides her hand into mine that is clenched at my side.

"When you are ready, I am a great friend." she says.

"I am not someone you can fix for amusement. Is that why you are being nice to me? I see all these people in this family of misfits and you are trying to save every single one of them. Are we just a game to you? Am I just a new toy who you think you can analyze and fix so you can make me acceptable to society?" I yell at her.

She looks at me with wide eyes, yet she is still holding my hand and she steps in front of me. Her voice like steel cuts through me, "We all have demons, including me. We all have ways of dealing with them. You are not a pet nor do I think I can fix you. I don't fix anyone I just listen. It is what I do. My demon so to speak. I like you and I want to get to know you better, but you are going to have to trust that I am not trying to change you. Get high, snort the shit, shoot it, I don't care. Just be smart about it and talk to me. I want to talk to you, but you keep shoving my own demons in my face."She utters these words in a complete monotone of a voice that is dripping with ice, yet her eyes are staring at me wanting me to understand.

"Okay. As long as you aren't trying to fix me. I have had enough of that shit." I state.

We are both quiet and that moment cemented our friendship - no ridicule, no lectures, just understanding. I could feel her move beside me and my heart started to tell me that this connection with her wasn't normal, but too much had happened today for me to even try to see anything beside what was right here in this moment. I squeezed her hand and we walked back into the club. No other words were said as we left to head to Denny's to meet everyone but we continued to hold hands to our cars. I knew that if I let go of her hand too soon then I would sink.


	7. Chapter 6: Moving up the Circles of Hell

Chapter 6: Moving up the Circles of Hell

The ride to Denny's was quiet. Alice and Jazz were locked in quiet conversation and my mind drifted to Bella and what happened outside IKON. Something had shifted, I was willing to let her in to some extent - I was willing to bring her into my circle with Alice and Jazz. I am not sure to what extent, but I felt calm with her and a little safe in the knowledge she wouldn't push for more than I could give of myself. I am lost in thought driving down Utica towards 41st when Alice gently pokes my arm. I look over and she is smiling quietly at me, her eyes radiating the warmth and acceptance I have come to expect from her.

"Quit being so emo my dear Edward," she says, "Things are fine. You are fine, and this stuff with Bella is good. I can tell by the look on your face that you are going to let her in some."

"Yea, we had a little bit of a talk tonight, outside. I am going to try. There is just something about her. She fits with us and as much as my ass hates to admit it, we seem to fit into her world." I chuckle.

"Who knew that our little Edward would grow up and want to share his toys with the rest of the misfits in town," Jasper laughs batting his eyelashes.

"Fuck off cocksucker," I yell while twisting my arm into the backseat to hit Jazz.

"Missed me, missed me, now you gotta....okay, wait never-mind. I don't want your nasty skank ass kissing me." Jazz snorts through his laughter.

"Fuck you Jazz! You are just jealous of my luscious soft lips and the fact that you will never get to feel them." I say, puckering up my lips and leaning over to kiss Alice on the cheek.

"You're right. I secretly harbor a heavy crush on you, your fine ass, and your luscious lips." Jasper leans forward and gently rubs Edward's neck and then leans in leaving a kiss on his neck. "I think that you and I need some quality time together tonight. Let's drop Alice off at Denny's and you and I can spend some time together."

I laugh and grab Jazz's hand bringing it down my chest as I look at Alice. "You don't mind do you Alice. I just can't hide my feelings anymore."

Alice looks at us with a cross of amusement and lust. She winks saying, "I do mind actually. I don't mind sharing with you, but I need to watch and I think I should get to invite someone to watch with me. Also, not to ruin the mood..," she lowers her voice and sticks her hand in her purse. Smiling mischievously she pulls out a condom and a qtip. "You need to use this and I need a sample."

Jazz falls back against the seat laughing so hard tears are streaming down his face. I growl at Alice but soon the car is filled with all of us laughing and trying to breathe. As I pull into the parking lot at Denny's, we are still laughing and trying to compose ourselves as we walk in looking for everyone. Tears are still coming down my cheeks as I approach the huge booth that is home for all of those from the family of misfits and some who I haven't meet head to the table and Bella scoots over making room for Alice beside her. Jazz grabs a spot next to Crispy, and Chicken moves over to make room between himself and a blond haired guy I haven't seen before tonight.

"Hey guys, let me introduce you to those you haven't meet yet." Bella says. "The guy beside you with the blond hair is Bryn. The guy next to me is Shawn and you know the rest I think."

I nod at everyone and Alice smiles waving in her pixie way while Jazz tilts his head in acknowledgement as he looks intently at the menu. Soon we are all engrossed in conversations, drinking coffee,and smoking cigs. The cacophony of voices seems almost like a symphony of chaos and seems to settle my mind. The demons have taken a well deserved rest seemingly passed out since the club and allowing me to actually enjoy an evening for once. Chicken, Bryn, and I are totally engrossed in a conversation about music when I see a creamer fly through the air towards Bella. I look around trying to figure out where the hell it came from and beside me I feel Chicken slide under the table and head to the end of the aisle at the opposite end of the restaurant.

"Hell yea, its time," Chicken yells jumping up and down like a two year old waiting to open Christmas presents.

"Oh hell no, it is not time." Bella yells trying to hide behind Alice.

Shawn grabs her and holds her facing front and another creamer comes sailing down the aisle straight towards Bella's cleavage. I follow the arc of the flying object as it hits the side of Bella's breast and ricochets off onto the floor. The shirt she has on shows her cleavage and her large breasts. Following down her front, my eyes take in her small waist, nice hips and ass and the tone legs that are encased in her jeans. Her body is seriously curvaceous but firm. My eyes move back up lingering on her breasts again as I see a creamer fall into her cleavage.

"Hell yes. Point 1 for me." Chicken fist pumps.

"No more Chicken. My cleavage is not a toy." Bella laughs.

"Aw, come on Mom. Please. It is just too much fun." Chicken walks forward and gets on his knees in front of Bella folding his hands in a prayer and batting his eyelashes at her.

"Sorry sweets. No more playtime. Next time I will let you have two shots." Bella smiles and rubs her hand across his cheek.

"Okay, fine." Chicken pouts playfully and then stands up kissing Bella on the cheek.

Alice is laughing so hard tears are coming down her cheeks and Jazz is choking on his coffee. I start laughing at the scene and then suddenly realize that this is the first time in months that I have honestly laughed at something that Alice or Jazz didn't have something to do with. I also realize as I watch Chicken kiss Bella's cheek that I am insanely jealous of how everyone hugs and kisses on her; especially having no idea what everyone's relationship is with her._ I mean have they dated, had sex, what? My mind starts its descent into hell as I wonder why I truly care - I can't be in a relationship with her because that would mean that I would have to share things with her that no one really knows. Those things are mine to deal with and I already feel like spilling my guts every time she is around. I need to find out more about her and stabilize the connection made at the club first. Baby steps for the boy who is so tortured by his past that he can't even sleep without a light on. Baby Jeebus I am pathetic._

I am pulled out of my mind by Chicken asking if I want to step outside. I nod, knowing some fresh air will wake me up a little as I haven't had a fix in awhile and the demons have been sufficiently hog tied for the moment. I want to take advantage of the quiet without my own personal medications as long as possible. Chicken and I walk around to the front of the Denny's and sit on the brick wall. Nothing is said for awhile, but it is nice - no expectations.

"Just so you know, I don't usually go half cocked like earlier tonight. I was just having a really bad day." Chicken says quietly staring up at the stars.

"Don't need to explain anything to me, really. Believe me I get it." I say and under my breathe mumble "More than you know"

"I know you do the shit too. I can tell. I won't say anything to anyone else, but just know that Crispy and Grandma and Bella are pretty fucking observant." he says, no sign of judgement in his voice.

"It keeps the demons quiet." I say softly.

"That it does." he says.

We sit there for a little while longer, smoking cigs and just looking at the stars.

"Come on, let's go back in before Bella sends out a search party. " he laughs.

As we step back in, people are getting up to leave figuring out rides and paying the tab. Alice looks over at me and smiles that evil pixie grin.

"Okay, who is taking mom home?" Shane asks, looking around. "My car is full and I am going the opposite direction."

"I can take her" I say as I pull money out of my wallet to help cover the tab of our excessive coffee drinking and mass amount of appetizers that have been consumed in the last 3 hours.

"Thanks." Bella says grabbing her purse and my hand and starting for the door.

The ride to her house is quiet. Alice and Jazz cuddle in the back, music playing, and everyone tired from the long day and night. It is 5 am and the sun is starting to come up as I pull into Bella's driveway. I look around for her mother's car, but don't see anything.

"Bella, is your mom around?" I ask.

"Um, no. She is somewhere this weekend." she quietly says, not looking me in the eye, "probably fucking some random guy." she mumbles.

"Are you okay by yourself?" I ask suddenly concerned that she would be by herself all day.

"Yea, I am usually here by myself. I mean sometimes some of the guys stay the night or we have sleepovers, but I will be okay." Bella notes looking up into my eyes.

I notice she seems a little unsure about being here by herself - not scared, just not wanting to be alone again. It seems like she is forever by herself and the more I am slowly learning in snippets about Tanya I really didn't like her. No wonder Bella kept people around her and felt like taking care of everyone.

" I probably should have just gone to Grandma's, but I have been over there every night this last week so I kinda wanted to be home." she states, no real emotion in her voice.

Alice suddenly pipes up as I am thinking of how to deal with the situation. "Why don't we stay the night. It is already late and I am exhausted."

"Really?" Bella asks "That would be great."

"Yea, I love a slumber party and the boys can cook breakfast or whatever our first meal is tomorrow. Jazz can cook like nothing else." Alice giggles.

"Is that all right with you, Edward?" Bella asks her head tilting downward.

I gently lifted her chin with my finger, "Yes, that would be great. Just let me call Esme and leave her a message."

I pull out my cell phone and call Esme leaving her a message. Turning off the car, all of us get out and trudge our now weary bodies into Bella's house. Her house is nice and comfy and definitely more Bella than I would imagine her mom. Bella has two rooms each with a bed, but it is obvious one is more for TV watching and hanging out. Both rooms are connected and she points to the bed in the TV room.

"Jazz and Alice, you can sleep in here. There are some sleep clothes in that dresser. I think some guys pants and I know some big shirts. Everyone always leaves stuff here so I started just keeping it for extra clothes if people stayed the night."

"Um, Edward you can either sleep with me in my bed or in my mom's room. Although I should probably change the sheets on her bed if you want to sleep in there." she says with a smirk.

I take off my jacket and throw it over her desk chair. " I can handle sleeping in your bed as long as you don't steal the covers." I laugh.

"No, no cover stealing, but I do cuddle." she says trying to keep a straight face.

"Cuddling I can handle." I say bending down to undo my combat boots. I finally get my boots off and pull off my socks. I pull my belt out of the loops on my jeans and head towards the bed.

Alice pokes her head in and puckers her lips. "I need my goodnight kiss my dear Edward."

"Of course my dear pixie." I walk over to the door and lean down giving her a kiss on the lips. Suddenly, Jazz is in the door.

"Where is my kiss Edward? Are you dumping me for Alice?" he says his mouth fighting a grin and an evil twinkle in his eye. He grabs my neck and pulls me to his lips laying a sloppy kiss. I pull back and wink at him.

"Gosh, Jazz. You sure know how to woo a man." I say.

I hear a shout of laughter as I turn to see Bella in some pj pants and a sex pistols shirt. "Aw, how cute. You and Jazz would make a great couple." she says laughing as she crawls into her bed.

"Night everyone." she yells and rolls over to her side.

I walk over to the other side and climb in laying on my stomach and hoping that I can sleep tonight without nightmares. _Shit! I hadn't thought of that when I agreed to spend the night. _My eyes pulled shut, unable to keep stay open any longer. I could hear Bella snoring slightly next to me and I continue to drift off into sleep. The next thing I know, I feel movement on my chest and I notice my arm feels heavy. I open my eyes and look over to my is curled into it with her head on my arm and her hand on my chest. I laugh to myself, she is definitely a cuddler. I maneuver myself out from under her, head to the bathroom, and then to the kitchen. I start the coffee and glance at the time. It is 1pm so I figure it is time to wake Jazz up and start lunch.

I head into where where they are sleeping, bend over and tweak Jazz's nipples.

"Alice, stop it. " he whines.

I try not to laugh as I do it again. "Damn it Alice I am trying to sleep."

Finally, it is too much and I laugh loudly causing Jazz to open his eyes. He glares at me as I throw him his jeans.

"Get up, we have strict instructions to cook food." I say.

"Fine, fine. I am moving. Let me put Alice in bed with Bella and then we can start. In other words, I will cook while you stand there and look like an idiot." Jazz snarls.

"Such a morning person, my dear Jazz. How I do love you like this." I smirk as I head back towards the kitchen. The coffee is ready so I grab a cup and start looking through the cabinets and the refrigerator. As I am looking for food to put together for lunch, I suddenly stop. I realize that last night I didn't have a nightmare and that I actually slept. That hasn't happened in years. I just stand there staring into the cabinets unsure of what it means and why. I finally shrug it off figuring it is because I felt safe with Alice and Jazz around; not to mention the fact that I was exhausted from lack of sleep and too much crank in the last week.

Jazz stumbles into the kitchen as I hand him his coffee. He grunts and starts pulling out stuff to make omelets and french toast. I stand back knowing that it is best for me to wait for instructions than try and step into his groove; especially when he is this cranky. Jazz finishes lunch and sends me to wake up the girls. I step into Bella's room and have to cover my mouth not to laugh out-loud. Bella and Alice are completely entwined with each other. Legs over legs and snuggled into each other, foreheads touching. I pull out my phone and take a picture. This is just too good!

I walk over to the bed and lean over Bella. I gently stroke her cheek, "Bella," I whisper, "Time to wake up." She moves but other than that nothing.

I move over to Alice and try the same thing. Alice moves and rolls onto her back, but doesn't open her eyes. I try being louder but still nothing. I smirk to myself as I head into the kitchen. I grab a glass of water from the sink and head back to Bella's room. I try one more time to wake them up and when I get no response I throw the water onto the bed hitting both of them with the ice cold.

"What the FUCK you motherfucking cocksucker!" Alice jumps out of bed. Her eyes dart to me glaring and she steps forward.

Bella shrieks and glares up at me from the bed. She looks at Alice and smirks.

I hold up my hands in surrender. " I tried to wake you all up several times. Nothing was working, this was the last resort. Lunch is ready." I say trying to hide my laughter. I turn to walk towards the dining room when I am suddenly jumped from behind. Alice is on my back, her wet clothes sticking to me and Bella has grabbed my belt loops. They yank me to the bed and I fall over as Alice jumps from my back and straddles me. She grins her evil pixie grin and starts wiggling her fingers.

"Bella, grab his arms." she states. Bella reaches for my arms and I struggle trying to get my arms back but not throw Alice completely across the room.

"No, Alice, my sweet dear pixie of a best friend. Don't tickle me. Please. Please." I squeal (yes I squealed. Get over it).

"Oh, yes my dear sweet Edward. You deserve at least this." she smiles and starts tickling me under my arms and down my sides. I am laughing so hard that I am not paying attention and suddenly I am drenched with ice cold water. I open my eyes and Jazz is standing over me smiling.

"That's what you get for tweakin my nipples fuckward." Jazz says and turns for the dining room.

I just lay there and laugh. Alice crawls up my chest and gives me a kiss on the cheek and so does Bella.

"Come on, let's eat." Bella says.

They head into the dining room and I lay there for a minute thinking how nice today has been. The demons are quiet, I actually got some sleep, and I am having fun with Bella. I still don't completely understand her or my own infatuation with her, but I guess it has been alright. Just as long as she doesn't try and change me we are good. I stand up and pull off my shirt since it is soaked and head to the table to eat. As I sit down, I hear an intake of breath. I look up and Bella's eyes are wide and as she catches mine she goes back to eating. I am trying to figure out why she gasped and then it hits me. I was comfortable enough to take my shirt off. I didn't think about it. Her eyes come up to mine and she slowly gazes down at my chest and over my biceps taking in my scars and my form of communion - my form of salvation. She says nothing and continues to eat. I am suddenly uncomfortable so I head to her extra room to grab a dry shirt out of the dresser. As I turn to head back out to the table, Alice is standing there.

"Not today Alice." I quietly say, not looking her in the eye.

She says nothing at first and walks over and hugs me. "I love you." she says staring into my eyes and then turns and walks out of the room.

I head back to the table and we all finish eating. Nothing is said about what everyone saw on me without my shirt on. Jazz and Alice have seen it before and I was sure that Bella would bring it up, but she didn't. After eating we spent time just hanging out. At about 5pm, I stood up, stretching.

"Well guys, let's get home. I need to talk with Esme and could really use a shower and some clean clothes." I state.

Alice and Jazz grab their stuff and we head outside to the car. Bella stands on her porch and waves. "If you get out tonight we will be Denny's later. Stop by. Otherwise I will see you on Monday. Oh, and thank you for staying last night." she says quietly.

"No problem Bella. Anytime." I say looking at her - still trying to figure out what it is about her. As I am staring I feel the keys jingle in my hands. I look down and notice the tremors that are starting. _Oh fuck! Not good. I need to get home and get fixed before I start some withdrawal shit. _ Alice notices and motions to Jazz who grabs the keys and puts them into the ignition.

"Be safe tonight." I say to her and she smiles shyly before responding, "Do you honestly think anyone can get to me with all those big brothers around?"

I laugh and slide into the car, drop Jazz and Alice off, and head to my house. When I get home Esme is out, so I head upstairs and into the bathroom. I start the shower turning the hot water on full blast and let the steam fold out over the glass door. I sit in the middle of the floor and pull everything out. My hands are shaking so bad I know I can't shoot up so I start dicing everything into lines on the tray that I keep under my sink. I lay out 4 lines, hoping that will be enough to satisfy the tremors, the demons, and still allow my exhausted body to sleep. I lean over and pull the nectar into my nostrils, sucking back, feeling the burn, and tasting it in the back of my throat. I lean back resting on my arms tilting my head back enjoying the burn down my throat and inside my nose. Finally I clean up, drop my clothes on the floor and step into the shower. I stand under the heat thinking over the day and last night and even in-spite of myself I smile. I enjoyed myself and the demons have kept their distance. Can't ask for much more than that I think to myself.

I lay on my bed after my shower, naked, and enjoying the feel of the scars under my hands as I run my fingers over the raised flesh. I admit that having Bella see them threw me for a loop, but she wanted to know me so know she can see just how fucked I am. The scars that are there aren't just from me, there are some from my days with my parents but no one knows that - not even Alice or Jazz. They think I have done them all. My eyes finally start to drift down and I succumb to sleep, hoping for another dream free night.

_My mom is standing over me, gently shaking me to wake me up. "Come on angel, I need you to get up for me." I smile at her, but suddenly my smile stops. Mommy is crying. "Why are you crying mommy?" She smiles at me and shakes her head, "Nothing to worry about angel. Come on." I slide out of bed and grab her offered hand. I follow her into the living room and notice a couple of people there I have never seen before. I hide behind her, grabbing her legs, and burying my head against her. "Awe, someone is shy." says one of the women in the group. "Don't worry little one, we won't hurt you." My mom looks down at me and smiles pulling me from behind her. A hand reaches out and my father grabs me pulling me into the center of the room. "Okay, for two days of labor - anything goes, it is $1000. He can clean, he can cook some, and he is extremely well behaved." I look at my mom, but she is backing out of the room._ _ I stare at my father, knowing better than to say anything or he will hit me. I close my eyes, I am not sure what is going on but suddenly there are hands feeling my head, pinching my cheeks touching me all over. Finally, I hear one woman say, "I will take him the first time. I can train him for everyone else." My father laughs and agrees. "Feel free to beat him. He won't scream." I open my eyes as an unfamiliar hand grabs mine and pulls me to the door. I start screaming, "Mommy, mommy, come save me. Come get your angel." She shakes her head and turns from me and as I continue screaming, a fist flies into my mouth. I close my eyes but continue to kick. I don't want to leave. I grab the door frame and scream again. This time the wom__an __grabs me and starts shaking me...... _

My arms are flying all over the place trying to get away from the hands on my shoulders. I can hear a voice, "Edward, honey. Wake up baby. It's okay, your safe. It's Esme." I try and focus on the voice, try to pull myself out from the darkness, tears start falling down my cheeks. I can feel them and finally my mind breaks free of the memories. I open my eyes and there is Esme her hair everywhere sitting in her pajamas holding onto me. I say nothing, just curl into a ball my head in her lap. She adjusts so her back is against the headboard and strokes my hair.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." I state, my voice gravely from crying and screaming.

"Hush now baby. Go back to sleep. I am here and your safe." she says still running her hands through my hair.

I close my eyes, knowing she will sleep here with me tonight and as I begin to drift back into sleep I hear the demons laughing _You actually thought you could escape us. Nope, not so much. We just gave you a break so you would know what you are missing. We love torturing you to much. You still remember with such clarity, it is amazing to relieve it through your eyes. _ I tightly squeeze my eyes shut and try to ignore them concentrating on Esme's voice and her hands in my hair, saying the mantra in my head "They are dead, they are dead."

I wake up the next morning with the covers laid over me and sun shining into my room from the french doors on my balcony. I realize I want to do nothing today but stay in bed, feed the demons, and try to find salvation. I get up lock my door and head back to bed. I pull out my tools and lay them out. I pull out my journal knowing that I will be writing later something else to help exercise the demons and make sense of the ramblings in my brain. I begin the communion - chest first, carving over the initials already scarred into my skin; then my stomach; next my arms. Blood pools in my hands, sliding down my arms, dripping onto my legs. I become numb; this is what I need and want. I get up and head to the shower letting the hot water scald my skin and stinging into the fresh cuts. I dry off and head back to bed. I take my lines and begin again. Rinse and repeat until clean.

XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up early on Monday. Soccer practice starts and I need to get my ass moving, and as requested must be sober for practice. I still don't know how the hell Coach knew; but whatever. I throw my uniform into a bag, grab my backpack and head downstairs. Esme is sitting at the table with Carlisle and smiles at me when I come into the kitchen.

"Hey mom. Thanks for the other night." I say as I lean down and kiss her cheek.

She nods and puts her hand on my cheek. "Anything for you baby. You feel any better?"

"Yea, better. Hey Dad." I nod to Carlisle.

"Hey Edward. You gonna be home tonight. Though we might play some soccer and get both of us back in shape." he smirks.

"Yea, I will be home." I wave as I walk out the door and head to school.

I throw on my cleats while I am in the car and head over to the soccer field. Coach is already there and warm ups are just starting. I jump into a space by Jasper and start stretching. Neither of us talk, it is way to fucking early and we know that we are going to need all the oxygen we have here in about 15 minutes. I zone out letting my body burn through the stretches and jump when Coach yells for us to start running around the field. 45 minutes and 5 miles later, I am chugging water and trying to breath. I sound like a damn woman having a baby. I am fuck all holy hell out of shape. I turn to Jasper and notice he isn't much better and I smirk at him as he flips me off. Coach yells for us to move to the weight room as the girls team has the field for a bit. I grab some more water and Jazz and I head over to the weight room. As I am pulling off my cleats so I can walk barefoot to the weight room, I hear someone yell my name. I glance up figuring it is one of the girls in the Club as many of them play soccer. (Hey, don't judge. We travel a lot. I get bored. So sue me.) I look around trying to figure it out when a gently kiss is laid on my sweaty cheek.

"Morning sugar. How was training?" Bella asks.

"Fine. I am not dead yet. That is always a good sign. I didn't know you played?" I say still trying to breathe normally after getting my ass kicked this morning.

"Well, you never asked. You are usually a little busy engaging in bathroom sex to carry on long conversations at school." she waves as she turns to run to the field.

Jazz is laughing and as I turn my gaze on him, his hands come up. "Hey man. I didn't say a word. Although, she does have a point."

"Fuck you, Jazz." I grunt. " Come on, let's go get your pansy ass some biceps."

The rest of the day rushes past and as we meet on the ramp after school we all seem a little tired and run down. Bella kisses us all and walks to her Grandma's car and I watch her hips sway. I shake my head and turn to wave at Alice and Jazz.

"I am going home. I am exhausted from practice and Carlisle wants to play tonight." I lean into Alice and gently tweak her nose and bump Jazz's fist. "Call me later."

They both agree and we all head our separate ways into our separate heavens and hells.

The rest of the month flies by for me. Practice is kicking my ass; school is school; my demons and I are talking too much and my intake of powder has increased; sleep is nonexistent for the most part; sex is sex and I am continuing to take advantage of the roomy counter space within the fine institution that I call a high school; and Alice, Jazz, and Bella are all the same. We seem to be getting used to each other. Time is spent hanging out at Bella's and Grandma's but we all seem to be trying to find our space within a group that includes all of us. No conversation ever trapses past the circumstantial. I continue to hide and I am not the only one. It is content space we fill together, but something is straining on the edges pushing us to see more.

As the last Friday of the month pulls to a close, Bella invites us to her house for the weekend. Her mom is gone and everyone is hanging there. I shrug and tell her I will let her know. I am unsure of sleeping there again; especially with all those people.

"Please come Dark Angel. I really want to spend some time talking to you this weekend. This last month has been nice, but superficial." she whispers in my ear.

My body is covered in goosebumps and I shiver. _Well that is a new reaction to her. "_I will call you and let you know." I need to get out of here, so I quickly kiss Alice on the cheek and wave at Jazz almost running to my car.

Once I get home, I head up to my room to debate going to spend the weekend at Bella's. My mind is cluttered with thoughts of hanging out and having fun, but the minute I think of sleeping over there I start to get the cold sweats. _Of course, my demons purr, you could always just stay high the whole time. No sleeping needed_. I sadly nod my head knowing that may be my answer as I really want to go and spend time with Chicken, Crispy, and Bella. I realize that I haven't had sex with anyone from the club of Edward in about two weeks. Weird for me, although I have been getting plenty of release. Unfortunately, it has all revoled around Bella - usually Bella's sweet little mouth around my cock or me fucking her tits. If I am going to survive tonight at all, I need to get laid.

I pull my phone off the nightstand and flip through my contacts. _Let's see...who to call...my demons mutter. We want rough so let's call Lauren. She likes it rough and never complains when we push her too far. _I groan, but know better than to fuck with the demons and my own needs. I am so out of sorts with this Bella thing that the only thing keeping the demons at bay and my from having a complete breakdown like when I was younger is playing soccer, the drugs, the cutting, and the fucking. I push send and wait for Lauren to pick up. It rings three times before her breathy voice comes over the phone.

"Hey baby." she purrs.

"Hey Lauren. What are you up to?" I ask. I mean I am not a complete dick. I at least will talk a little before I demand she come over for sex.

"Nothing. Just got out of the shower. What about you?" her voice husky in its intent.

"Thinking about your fine ass. How about you come over for a little bit?" I smirk as I say this; knowing that she is already probably to the door. It's not that I am really that cocky, but she really likes my dick.

"I think I can mange that. How about I be there in about 10 minutes?" she asks and I hear clothing rustling in the background.

"That would be perfect. Oh, and Lauren?" I say lowly.

"Yea." she mumbles.

"Only wear a jacket. No clothes underneath and you better be ready when you get here. It is going to be hard and I don't want to waist time. Come straight upstairs." I say enonciating each word knowing the effect they have on her.

"Oh fuck me. " she whispers "Be right there."

"Oh I intend to my dear. " I laugh and hang up the phone.

I jump off the bed, checking the side table for condoms. Alice keeps sending me email pics of various stages of STI's and well, let us just say that I am now wrapping my shit up. I quickley lay out two lines and inhale them just finishing licking off the residue from the mirror when I hear my bedroom door open. I take one look in the mirror and quickly look away. My eyes are not green they are black, dark and dead, my skin looks like a corpse left to long in the humid summer heat of the South. I walk through the bathroom door, pulling the buttons on my jeans down and eye Lauren. She looks up at me and gasps. I have no idea what I look like but I can hear the demons - their hands glapping, they reach behind their back and pull out the handcuffs and whip. I stalk towards her my jeans slowly sliding down to rest on my hips with the tip of my hard cock visible.

"Drop the jacket, hands on the bed, ass towards me." I snarl. I am in no mood to be patient. I am pissed, the demons have control, and I need to fuck.

Lauren hesitates and then complies looking over her shoulder. "Edward, please take off your shirt. I want to see your body."

"Shut the fuck up Lauren. No, the shirt stays on." I say as I grab her hair and arch her neck back. I lick up her neck and whispering in her ear as I pull my cock free from my jeans "You have always just wanted my dick Lauren. Anything change?"

I glide my dick against her slit, already soaking from my words. I tease not letting her have it just yet. I pull her hair tighter, nipping at her neck. Finally I pull my hips back, open my mouth against her neck and just as I slam into her I bit her neck.

"Fuck Edward. Oh, god. That feels so good." she breathes.

"You want it harder my little cum slut." I grit through clenched teeth. I let go of her hair and grab her waist, pulling almost all the way out, waiting for her whimpers before I slam back in. I am in control of this, I need to control this.

"Please, please. I need you to fuck me. It's been too long. Nobody fucks like you Edward. Please" Lauren whimpers.

I slam back into her, gripping her hips tighter, slamming into her as fast as I can. I hear her screaming but I ignore it. The demons are breathing hard, almost ready to explode. They are getting off on the anger. I grab the back of her neck with one hand and her shoulder with the other. I pull out one last time and then with everything I have slam my hips against her. I feel her convulse around me.

"Fuck me, motherfuck." Lauren yells as she comes, her upper body falling against the bed.

"Oh, shit." I grumble as I feel my cock twitch and finally release - hard. There was no emotion to the sex or the release; just a necessary function. The demons fall onto their chairs and take a shot of Patron.

I pull out, throw the condom away, and pull up my pants. Lauren is still against the bed trying to catch her breath. She stands up and looks at me and I notice for the first time that her eyes hold emotion that shouldn't be there when it comes to me.

"Lauren," I say almost as a warning.

She gazes at me. "I would do anythng for you Edward if you would just let me. You know I like you. I always have. Do you think I would let you do this to me if I didn't? Do you think I like just being your fuck toy? " she says her voice calm but full of emotion.

"Lauren, you know the rules. I do not care what you want or your feelings in this. You are a fuck - that is it end of story. You want it to end, tell me and I won't call you anymore. We will be friends like always, but you and I will NEVER be." I coldly state.

Her eyes well with tears but her voice is steady, "No, Edward. I still want this. Whatever, however I get you is how it is. I have liked you since we were in 9th grade. I take what I can get, maybe some day you will change your mind. If you don't, at least I get a good fuck."

"Lauren, I want to say I am sorry but I am not. Get dressed and go home. I am done with my fuck toy for the night." I say as I lean in and kiss her cheek.

She gathers her stuff and leaves. I turn to the bathroom and head to the shower. As I am about to get in my phone beeps. I scroll to the text message.

Hey DarkAngel. Hope I will see you tonight and you had a good afternoon. xoxo B

I step into the shower as the demons take another shot and smile wickedly _oh the places you will go tonight my dear sweet Edward. Hope you are prepared. We are going to have fun. _


	8. Chapter 7: WTF?

A/N: I apologize for the extreme lateness of this chapter. It will not happen again. RL has been kicking my butt between work and some family issues. For those that don't know, my mother has early onset Alzheimer's and has for the last 10 years. I have been her caregiver. She is now in her final stages and things have been rough with her at the nursing home since I can no longer care for her. So, needless to say I am sorry for the delay, but as this story follows some real life things it was hard to write recently. On a happier note, fear not. DarkAngelward and Bella will be getting together soon…and I promise the lemon will be well worth it. This chapter has now been lovingly looked at by Ardanwen78.

Chapter 7: WTF?

Oh, passions there for those who want to  
Pay the price of loving you in more ways than one  
Wrapped around your finger but I think my time has come  
But I never can be too sure, 'cause I like to have a little fun  
Oh, what fun it would be to blow my mind and fall into the sun

– Sublime _New Realizations_

We pull up to Bella's house around 9pm and there are already cars filling up the yard and the driveway. Chicken is sitting on the back porch, bottle of whiskey in hand, waving us into a spot by the front door. I laugh as he uses the bottle and a glass to direct us into place like a man guiding an airplane into the hull. Once my car is in park, he slides across the hood and pulls Alice from the backseat.

"My dear Pixie, I have missed you." he leans in giving her a hug and a kiss careful to keep the whiskey bottle from dripping any of its precious liquid.

"A pleasure as always my sweet dear prince." Alice giggles, patting him affectionately on the cheek.

I look over at Jazz as he rolls his eyes and laughs pulling his arm around Alice's waist and leaning into her ear, "Sugar, please leave my other lover alone. I don't like to share him."

With mock hurt upon my face, I turn to Chicken, " How dare you take Jazz away from me. He is mine. I just...I thought we were friends, man. How could you?" I stutter, looking up at Chicken and over to Jazz with my best puppy dog eyes.

Jazz walks over to me, grabs the back of my neck, and pulls me into his face placing a gentle kiss on my lips and then looks up, "You will always be my first love, Edward."

I smirk and we all turn to walk towards the house with Chicken handing me the whiskey bottle as we enter the back door. "Time for catch up man. We have a long night and many games to play. I expect your ass as drunk as mine by morning." he nods at me, his spikes not even moving and then turns to head to the extra room.

I tip the bottle to my lips and as the whiskey burns down my throat, I shiver and pass the bottle over to Jazz. Just as I am putting the bottle into Jazz's grip, I am assailed by Bella jumping into my arms.

"Hello, my dear Dark Angel." she says and lays a kiss on my cheek.

I wrap my arms around her and smile. "Well, hello my dear drunk Bella. Did you start early?" I laugh.

She giggles and jumps out of my hold, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the living room. "Hurry up. For one, you need to catch up and for two, I want you to meet some of my other friends."

I follow behind her, grabbing Alice as I am pulled along. As we enter into the living room, Bella trips over her own feet and I instantly grab her around the waist. "Careful Miss Graceful. No ER visits tonight. My dad isn't working."

She blushes and then plops down next to the largest man I think I have ever seen. I look over at Alice and Jazz and their eyes are as wide as mine as we take in the man who could play center for the Green Bay Packers. Bella looks up and smiles as she pats the jolly green giant on the arm and points behind him. He swivels his neck and I am expecting a mean ass looking motherfucker, but I am startled speechless when a face that looks like it belongs to an innocent two year old smiles up at me.

"Hey Edward. I am Emmett and that hot bod of a blond sitting on the couch over there is my girl, Rosalie.", he states with a laugh as he unfolds his frame from the floor and stands in front of me.

"Hey, nice to meet you. This is Alice and Jazz." I look up at him unsure if I should bow or just be grateful he seems to like me as his hands and huge arms reach around me and pull me into a hug.

"Umm, Emmett, can't breathe!" I barely get out. He immediately lets me go, laughing and turns to Alice.

"You are the pixie from what I have heard. Good or Evil? Combo of both? " he almost giggles as she bounces up and down and then decides to throw herself into his arms. He immediately grabs her and spins her around.

"Combination. I try to use my powers only for good, but sometimes evil is just too much fun." Alice giggles as he places her back on the ground.

I walk over to Bella and she grabs my hand pulling me down and I laugh as I watch Jazz's eyes nearly bulge out of his head from the force of the hug that Emmett gives him. I turn to Bella and she places a shot in my hand. I look into the glass and then at her.

"Tequila? My dear sweet Bella, how many of these have you had?" I grin at her.

She furrows her brow and seems to be thinking really hard about the answer and Alice and Jazz start busting up laughing as they plop onto the floor next to me.

"If you have to think that hard sugar, then you have had a few." Jasper drawls while chuckling.

Bella looks at him and smiles. Shrugging she places the bottle of Patron on the table and yells, "Hey everybody. Time to play I Never. Get your asses into the living room now or I start dumping peoples drugs down the toilet and hiding the condoms."

Suddenly it sounds like a horse stampede is coming through the house as the floor starts vibrating and the sounds of heavy footsteps are hauling ass into the living room. Chicken decides to give up on walking and just dives across the floor landing with his head in between Bella and I's knees. He innocently looks up at me and then Bella - smiles and slaps the ground in front of him waiting expectantly for his shot glass.

Emmett starts passing around shot glasses and then regular glasses as I look around at who all is actually here since I was commandeered before I had the chance to say hi to anyone. I see Rose, Emmett's girl sitting on the couch; Crispy is sitting in the red velvet chair in the corner with his hand on the top of his cane waiting patiently, looking all the more like a king surveying his kingdom; Elvis and his extremely scrawny ass is sitting next to Rose; some girls I don't really know are sitting on the floor in front of the couch; a guy named Ben is sitting across from Bella; and then there is our crew. Alice is starting to vibrate she is so excited and I realize as I look at Jazz with trepidation in my eyes that this game is going to possibly be my downfall - Alice know shit about me that can be used to her advantage in this game. Jazz smirks and just tilts his head as he takes a swig out of the whiskey bottle and I have the stark realization that I am going to be drunk as a motherfucker by the end of this game - not from sneaking in extra sips of Patron or whiskey, but just because of the game.

"Okay everyone, you know the rules. We go in a circle starting with Emmett. If you have done it you drink - if you haven't you are safe. The questions start out easy for one round and then all is fair in love and war. No grudges are to be brought out and try not to embarrass someone on purpose. No fighting either. You fight I beat the hell out of you with Crispy's cane or one of the whips. Got it? " Bella states with a seriousness that is betrayed by her smile and the giggle at the end.

Emmett stretches his neck side to side, stretches, and then grins wickedly. "All right ladies and gents let's get started. I never masturbate."

Everyone laughs and everyone drinks - no second guessing or embarrassment. Just who they are and the knowledge they are totally accepted into this group. I smile inwardly at this and realize that I feel that way too.

"I never had sex in a car." Bella states.

I lift my glass and swiftly swallow the Patron letting it glide down my throat. I see Chicken, Bella, Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jazz, Crispy, and a few others drink as well. All of a sudden it hits me when I look at Alice. "Wait just a minute my fine pixie of a best friend. You don't own a car and I drive everywhere. Did you and Jazz have sex in my car?" I ask almost dreading the answer.

Alice winks and says, "Why yes my dear sex haired best friend. We did and we still do. Remember, I have an extra set of your car keys."

"Ahh, shit, Alice. Please at least tell me you clean the seats when you are done." I shudder as I imagine what has happened in my poor car that didn't involve me and my own cock.

"Umm, sometimes." Alice giggles.

"What!" I shout.

"Just kidding, my OCD best friend. I always clean up. Can't have you having a heart attack if things aren't in place and clean. I would kinda miss you and then whose car would I use. " Alice states in her no nonsense voice.

I shake my head and as Chicken recovers from his laughing fit, he starts the game again. "I never have had sex in the IKON bathrooms."

Several shots are downed and Chicken mumbles to himself that he should probably drink the entire bottle for that one. I laugh under my breath and nudge his shoulder with my knee.

" I never had sex in my parent's room." I state simply as I down my own shot. I notice only three others drink including Emmett and Rose. I shake my head to myself and wonder why this strange right of passage has been overlooked by the individuals in this room.

" I never had sex in school." Alice states a twinkle in her eye.

I groan and take a shot just as Bella hands me two more and says, " I think you should drink a couple of times to that. It seems a favorite past time of yours."

I roll my eyes, and try to hide the grimace that has suddenly appeared on my face. I never thought my sexual exploits would cause me to feel so unworthy of someone. The demons sit up and shuffle to the edge of their chairs. _Quit bitching pretty boy. You love shoving your cock in those girls. Bella is too good for you and you know it. Wait until she finds out why you hate your nickname. She won't want to touch you. Alice and Jazz won't even want to be your friends. You will end up like your mother and father. _I take a quick breath and down the shots put in front of me.

The game continues on for about an hour and I must admit I am sufficiently drunk - not almost there, but over the fence and completely there. Sometime during the game, Bella has put her head on my shoulder, carefully avoiding Chicken's liberty spikes. I gently shrug my shoulder and look down into her face. "Hey beautiful, I need to get up. I need a cig and want to step outside for a bit."

She nods and moves her head and joins in the conversation Emmett is having with Ben about a new band in town. Chicken looks up and eyes the door. I nod and he pulls himself off the floor to follow me outside. My mind is reeling not only from being drunk, but from the ever increasing hum of the demons' voices in my head. They know that soon I will pass the point of no return and either have to shoot up or cut in order to stay awake and avoid the nightmares. I want to just pass out, but that isn't an option - not at Bella's house with this many people around.

Chicken and I make it out the back door and sit on the steps. We each light a cig and enjoy the quiet. Neither one of us talks, but somehow we both know where are minds have traveled.

Finally, as I pull the last drag of my cig into my lungs, Chicken speaks.

"You sleeping tonight?" he quietly asks avoiding eye contact.

"Not if I can help it. Can't afford to." I say looking at the sky and wishing for a good nights sleep, free of my demons and memories.

"In about an hour meet me in the bathroom. I have plenty to share and we can stay awake together. I don't sleep around others either if I can help it. Nightmares. " he shudders, stands, flicks his cig butt into the yard and re-enters the house.

I turn to watch him walk away and realize that he and I are not that different. I shake my head and for the first time truly fear for someone. If his demons are like mine, he knows in the back of his mind that he probably won't make it through his teens alive. I continue to sit and think, lost in the banter within my own head. Suddenly a hand is playing with my hair, I jump and twist around fist curled back to hit whoever is touching me. I stop myself mid punch as I see Bella's eyes widen. She stands stock still and waits - I don't even notice her breathing. I take a breath and run my hands through my hair.

"I am so sorry Bella. I should have warned you that I don't take it well when people come up on me from behind; especially if they are touching me." I look into her eyes so she can see the truth in the statement. Those eyes that a minute ago were so wide have now softened as she shakes her head gently. My hand starts to come up to brush her hair behind her ears, but I stop myself. I can't have her I remind myself. The demons chuckle to themselves.

"Its okay. I didn't mean to startle you. You wanna sit with me and talk for awhile?" she quietly asks.

I nod and sit back down. She sits next to me and stares at the sky. Neither one of us interrupts the silence. After a few minutes she turns to me, "20 questions?" she asks.

"Sure. I'll go first. What is your favorite childhood memory?" I ask.

"Umm, probably hanging out with my step brother Mario. He used to take me to this field in the middle of town in Phoenix, where my dad lives, and we would lay in the back of his truck and watch the stars. Often we didn't even talk, but when we did, it was great. He is amazing. I miss him. Okay, my turn. Favorite color?" she quietly states.

I laugh and look over at her. She is smiling, silently acknowledging that she isn't pushing me to share deeper things. "Dark purple. Like a royal purple. Favorite ice-cream?"

"Definitely chocolate fudge brownie by Ben and Jerry. I mean that shit is god's gift to me. I love it! Death to anyone who tries to take it away from me." she laughs.

"Interesting choice. I prefer cookie dough, although your choice is in my top 3." I laugh and tilt my head back up to the sky.

"How many in your family?" she asks. Her voice almost non existent as if she knows this is treading on dangerous ground.

"Esme and Carlisle are it. They adopted me when I was younger. My other parents aren't around anymore." my voice is monotone even to my own ears. Devoid of emotion.

" Do you like Esme and Carlisle?" she asks.

" Yea. I love them. They have been amazing and truth be told I was not the easiest kid to deal with. Probably still am not. " I shake my head. "What is the deal with your mom?" I ask before I can even stop myself.

She is silent for a moment and I am just getting ready to apologize when she takes a deep breath,"She is interesting. She is who she is and doesn't make excuses which I guess can be seen as a positive. She lives her life in a bubble that she creates. I take care of her, always have, although god knows why. She is my mother, but not really my mom. My grandma has pretty much raised me. She is everything to me. My mom uses me to help her maintain an image within the society she plays in. She loves men. She has been married three times and has had countless boyfriends. I don't know how to explain her. She is what she is. I love her because she is my mom, but I don't necessarily like her. Does that make sense?"

"Actually, it makes perfect sense. I love my birth parents, but I can't stand them. It is hard to reconcile that sometimes. I wish I didn't have any ounce of feeling for them after all the crap they did to me. I didn't have a very nice childhood, it was actually pretty fucked up." I suddenly stop realizing this is becoming too close to me saying everything. My breathing changes and I hear the demons begin to chant _Tell her pussy. Tell her what they did to you and then what you did to them. Tell her what a useless little whore you were and what you let all those people do to you. We want to see her reaction when she walks away from you and calls you disgusting. Come on little one, open up and share. _ I jump up and run into the house. I can't look at her even though I know she is running behind me. I lunge for the bathroom door and slam it shut. I fall against the door sliding onto my ass and pull my knees into my chest. My hands are shaking and I can barely breathe. I have no idea how long I sit there before my mind registers her soft voice through the door.

"Edward, open up. Just let me in. I just want to make sure you are okay." she states as her fingers slide under the door. "If you don't want me in there, just touch my fingers so I know you are okay."

I look at her fingers and reach out and gently touch them. "I will be fine. Just give me a second. I will be out in a minute."

"Okay" she says and I hear her walk off.

I lean forward and pull out my wallet. I stare at it trying to talk myself out of it, trying to control the shaking in my hands, and trying to get the demons to shut the fuck up. _Come play Edward. You know you can't make it through without us. We will bring back the memories; we can make it rough tonight and cause another breakdown. Give us what we want, let us enjoy the numbness and we will be quiet for awhile or you can cut. You know you want to do one or the other. If you cut you can feel the relief, feel the anger slide down your arms and chest with the warmness of the blood sliding down your chest. _

I take a breath, shake my head, and pull out my stash. I quickly cut out the lines and inhale up my nose. The burn and taste down my throat cause me to lay my head back against the door and close my eyes. I wait for the drugs to hit my system and pull me out of the darkness into the numbness so that I can face the people outside without the demons annoying voices and the ghosts of my past painted on my face and visible in my eyes.

As I am standing, a knock echoes in the confines of the bathroom. "Yea, I am almost done. Be out in a minute." I say.

"Just checking on you dude." I hear Chicken quietly whisper.

I open the door and look into his eyes. "I am okay now. Thanks for checking."

We head back into the living room and I catch Bella's eyes and smile. She nods her head down acknowledging I am okay and I turn immediately as I am grabbed by Emmett. He pulls me in front of the TV and looks into my eyes. "Okay fucker, time for singing. You and me are doing a duet. How about Endless Love?"

Through my laughter I manage to spit out, "Okay, but I get the guy parts."

Em stands for a minute like he might argue and then laughs, "Hell yea, I can hit those high notes." He nods to Rose, who hits start on the machine and suddenly he and I are holding hands and playing up to the crowd of friends. Em is dancing and shaking his ass against me, sighing into my ears as he sings, and I am having a hell of a hard time keeping a straight face, but manage to get through the song without completely losing it. As the song ends, Em grabs me and dips me, placing a kiss on my cheek.

"Thanks for the song, sweetie." He giggles.

"No problem sugar." I drawl.

Everyone is laughing and Alice grabs Bella pulling her up for the next song. Bella is shaking her head as Alice whispers in her ear and I notice the wicked gleam in the pixie's eyes.

"Bella, I can take her out and you can run. It's not too late." I yell.

She shakes her head, laughs, and grabs the mike as Alice talks to Rose about what song. As the music starts, Alice and Rose step behind Bella and they wait patiently for the lyrics to start. As if on cue, all of us start laughing as we recognize the song.

Bella starts out the song with Rose and Alice in the background. I am suddenly entranced by this picture of Bella swaying her hips and singing in a low sultry tone to TLC's _Red Light Special._ Alice and Rose are dancing in the back and I look around at everyone and notice their jaws are on the floor. Apparently, this is a new thing for Bella. Chicken leans over and very carefully closes my jaw and wipes my mouth. I glare at him and he winks. When the song is over half the guys shift themselves in their jeans to get more comfortable and even the girls look a little flushed. Bella flounces to Chicken, Jasper and I and smiles sitting down in Chicken's lap. She turns to us and very innocently bats her eyelashes, "So how was it?". Jasper and I turn to stare at her as if she just asked for us to walk around naked, while Chicken just starts laughing.

"Bella, my sweet, I think you left them speechless." Chicken states in between laughs. She winks at him and gets up heading to the kitchen.

The rest of the night is spend with all of us doing more songs and trying to one up the girls. The songs range from Jimmy Buffet classics to the most entertaining version of _Sweet Transvestite_ done by Crispy. As the crowd becomes more drunk the songs become more sexual and at one point Jasper, Chicken and I have done a rendition of _Knockin' Boots _that involves us taking our shirts off and halfway undressing. I glance at Bella as I am slowly unzipping my pants, letting them hang low and I am awarded with a blush and her breathing picking up. I play into it and move towards her as I am singing, grab her hand and pull her up to her feet. I pull her into my body and grind up against her continuing to sing. My traitorous body decides it has had enough with control for the night and I fell my dick get hard as she grinds her pelvis against mine. As the song ends, I lean towards her neck and gently lay a kiss behind her ear. I hear her sigh just as I pull away and head back to put the mike down. I glance up as I am pulling the zipper up on my jeans and Chicken is grinning like a school girl and Jazz is actually giggling. I shake my head and they both just continuing grinning at me.

"Fuck off!" I mutter under my breath and turn towards the kitchen. I grab a glass of water and head back into the living room. People are starting to get ready for sleep and as I come fully into the room, sleeping arrangements are being discussed. Crispy grabs the couch with a look at Jesse and Jessica as they whine about how he always gets the couch. Emmett and Rose head back to the back bedroom; Jazz, Alice, and Bella are apparently sharing her bed and Jesse and Jessica agree to take Tanya's room - with the warning to change the sheets first. Everyone else grabs blankets and makes themselves comfy on the floor.

"You sleeping tonight, Dark Angel?" Bella asks quietly.

"Probably not, kitten. I don't sleep so well in large groups." I say with a finality to my voice that I hope leaves no room for argument as I look into her eyes.

"Okay, but if you change your mind there is room in my bed for you with the rest of us." she turns and walks to her bedroom throwing a sad smile my way.

I head out to the back to sit and think. This girl has fucked my world around and I can't figure it out. I lay back on the grass, pulling my cigs out of my pocket, lighting one and inhaling slowly. I feel the chemicals burn my lungs and I hold it in enjoying the sensation. I start thinking about Bella and how in just a few short weeks, she has me wanting to let her in. She is smart and funny and accepting. But the real question is can she accept me and my past? I think she can and I want to share it with her. I want more than a quick fuck with her; I want to actually be friends with her and learn things about her. The physical attraction between the two of us is evident - Jesus we could probably power a third world country all by ourselves, but I want more with her. At least I think I do.

I am so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't even hear Chicken lay down beside me. He reaches over and hands me another cig and sighs. I can tell he needs to talk to me, but I am enjoying the silence right now. I motion with my hand for him to be quiet and he hums his understanding. We stare at the sky for what seems like hours when he clears his throat.

"Look, I don't know your past and I don't want to know until it is time for you to share it. My guess is it is pretty fucked up. But know this: Bella likes you. She likes you as a friend and there is definitely the physical attraction. Let her in. She won't disappoint you. I know in your head you know that and I promise that your argument that you will disappoint her so it is better this way, is a bunch of shit. She knows you aren't perfect. She doesn't see you with blinders on or just as the sexy guy next door. She sees your soul. She sees all of our souls, and she is willing to take a chance with you. She will take whatever you will give her. Just remember, don't hurt her on purpose - there is a difference between hurting her in reaction to your past and hurting her to make her broken. She is already broken but unlike us she can see beyond that."

I turn my head to stare at him. "How the fuck did you know just what I was thinking?" I gasp.

"Because I thought that way too once. She and I dated for awhile, but we realized quickly that we are better as friends. She is my sister now. " he states matter of fact, no jealousy or other emotion but love and adoration of a sibling present.

"I will think about it." I state, jumping up, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and going to my car. I sit inside and drink until I know the demons are too wasted to care what I do or to bother with their incessant chatter about my past, my present, and most importantly my future. I am drunk enough that my arms feel like they weigh 1000 pounds as I smoke a cig in what I am sure is slow motion. My mind is in a haze and no thinking is present. I am just existing.

Suddenly, I hear a tapping at my window. As I look to my left, I see Bella in a sweatshirt, eyes pouring concern. I open my door and step out. She reaches to steady me as I almost fall forward onto my face.

"Oh, my sweet Dark Angel... what haunts you so much." she murmurs under her breath as I latch onto her, pulling her body into mine and inhaling her. I hug her tighter trying to anchor myself. Her hands reach up and start stroking my back trying to comfort me. Suddenly the demons flare against her touch. _You are no good boy. Back up from her. You deserve nothing. You are nothing but a cheap whore that fueled your mother's drug addiction. You killed her because you couldn't give anymore. Never forget that. _

I stumble back for a second and then it is like time stops. My mind is warring with itself. The demons are chanting, my heart is trying to break through and give hope and I can take no more. I stride forward, grab the back of her neck hard and pull her into my body. I hear her whimper, I know that I am hurting her but I don't give a flying fuck right now. I want to have one moment that I choose for myself to give myself exactly what I want regardless of the demons. One moment that is not to keep them at bay: not mindless sex, not drugs or alcohol, not cutting. I want to taste Bella. I grab her chin and pull it up. I lick my lips and look into her eyes. She is trusting me; I see it. _Blind Bitch the demons shout. We will destroy her. She isn't yours. _ I lean down and push my lips onto hers. I am not gentle. It is hard and hungry filled with desperation. I grip her hair in one hand and hold her chin with the other. I force my tongue into her mouth and while she sighs I feel her body tense. I don't stop. Through my drunken fog, I know it is wrong but I still want to continue to taste her sweet mouth. It is more than I could have imagined and my body starts to pulsate with a need to claim her in some way. My tongue continues to wage war with her mouth as I pull her tighter into my embrace. Her body becomes more tense and she starts to pull back. I finally stop and glare at her. Her eyes are still trusting just more sad. I pull my hand from her hair, turn my mouth to the side and spit, and then turn back to her. She continues to stare at me and takes what I am giving her right now.

"Do not fucking call me Dark Angel again." I spit on the ground one more time and turn towards the house. As I enter, I glance back and see her standing there touching her lips and shaking her head. She looks up, feeling my eyes on her. Her eyes blaze into me. They are not scared but filled with determination as a few tears trail out and slide down her cheeks.

"I need some fucking sleep. I will be gone in the morning sweet cheeks." my voice is icy even to my own ears. The demons cheer and all goes black as sleep claims me while I am curled up on the living room floor.


End file.
